4-16 “Envy that is continually repressed becomes jealousy”
4-16 “Envy that is continually repressed becomes jealousy”
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> Envy is a natural emotion. It is the emotion that makes a five-year-old wish he could reach the doorknob the way his sister can—or ride that bike. Envy is the natural emotion that makes you want to do it again; to try harder; to continue striving until you succeed. It is very healthy to be envious, very natural. When children are allowed to express their envy, they bring a very healthy attitude about it to their adult years, and therefore usually move through their envy very quickly.
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> Children who are made to feel that envy is not okay—that it is wrong to express it, and, in fact, that they shouldn't even experience it—will have a difficult time appropriately dealing with their envy as adults.
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> Envy that is continually repressed becomes jealousy, a very unnatural emotion.
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> People have killed because of jealousy. Wars have started, nations have fallen.
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> (CWG 3:25)
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According to Conversations with God, when a child’s feelings of envy are repeatedly denied or suppressed during childhood, those feelings can gradually transform into jealousy, a destructive emotional state.
For example, imagine someone thinking, “I want to become like that person.”This feeling of envy can function positively, motivating the person to work harder for self-improvement and growth.
However, when such feelings are rejected by parents or authority figures with comments like, “Don’t say unrealistic things like that,” the child’s aspirations may become discouraged or crushed.
If a person’s hopes and dreams are repeatedly denied whenever they arise, they gradually lose confidence and become increasingly anxious. As a result, healthy envy can turn into jealousy.
This jealousy then becomes negative psychological energy, harming not only relationships with others but also one’s own personal growth.
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