The Awkward Girl
March started, and finals began almost immediately.
A full week of exams, Monday through Friday.
After Tuesday’s test, I went back to the classroom to grab a notebook I’d forgotten. One girl was still there, sitting by herself—glasses, hair in braids.
“Hey, what’s up?”
She looked up at me. “Oh… Kinashi-san. I totally bombed the English test. I’m screwed.”
Her English textbook was open, and her notebook was filled with example sentences.
Rin Yamazumi—“Zumii.”
She always looked like she was being chased by something.
We didn’t really talk much. She usually kept to herself.
“Today’s English was seriously hard. Half of it was basically past national exam questions. Nobody’s getting that easily.”
“I mean, seriously,” she said, “aren’t regular tests supposed to be based on what we actually learned? But at this school, that’s not always the case, right? What even is the point of measuring how well we understand the class?”
…Zumii, you’re absolutely right.
But wow—she’s … more talkative than I expected.
“There’s no point stressing over something that’s already done. Let’s just go home. We’ve still got three more days, anyway.”
“Yeah… I guess. Ugh, I hate this. I shouldn’t have come to Ehime highschool in the first place. I always thought I’d go to an easier school and actually enjoy my high school life…”
Zumii muttered, her voice trailing off.
“What do you mean, ‘enjoy’?”
We left the classroom together and walked down the cold, dim hallway facing north. Every classroom was empty.
“Well… you know. Not being buried in studying all the time. Hanging out with friends, going out for tea… going on dates with a boyfriend…”
“You have a boyfriend, Zumii?”
She stopped in her tracks, blinking blankly. Then her face went bright red.
“N-no way! Of course not! I told you, it’s just a dream!”
She waved both hands in front of her, arms stiff, completely denying it.
…She’s kind of adorable.
“Kinashi-san…”
“Yeah?”
“You have a boyfriend… right?”
“Huh?”
That caught me off guard. She seemed so airheaded, but she wasn’t someone you could underestimate.
“Must be nice, having a boyfriend.”
“I don’t.”
“You don’t?”
“I mean, I’ve never gone out with anyone.”
“No way.”
“I’m serious.”
“But you’re always with that second-year guy, aren’t you?”
“Huh?”
A second-year… guy?
“You know—the tall one, with the really pretty face. That’s your boyfriend, right?”
Tall…?
Really pretty face…?
Who is she even talking about?
“You come to school together every morning.”
Every morning…?
…Oh.
Wait.
My brother?
Hold on.
So what—she thinks my brother is my boyfriend?
I burst out laughing.
This is too much.
I couldn’t stop. Zumii looked at me, completely confused.
“Zumii—oh my god, stop, I’m gonna cry. Sorry, I never told you, did I?”
“Told me… what?”
“So, um—I have an older brother. He’s a year above us.”
“Your… brother?”
“Yeah. And he goes to this school too.”
“So…”
“Yeah. Sorry to disappoint, but he’s not my boyfriend.”
“Oh my god, seriously?”
Zumii’s face turned bright red again.
“I’m so sorry, I just assumed…”
“Did we really look that much like a couple?”
“Well… yeah. You seemed really close. It just felt natural.”
“Of course it did—we’re family.”
“Ohh… I guess that’s why you kind of seem alike.”
We split up at Minamihoribata.
“Boyfriends aside, we should go out for tea sometime. I’ll text you after exams.”
When I said that, she nodded awkwardly and rode off on her bike.
She’s kind of weird.
…I think we might actually get along.
I watched her braided hair disappear into the distance, then got on the streetcar when it finally rattled in.
Dropping into one of the worn seats, I let out a long breath.
A boyfriend, huh.
A few guys had shown interest before, but I’d never really had the time. There was always stuff to do at home. Back in middle school, I was taking care of Grandma, too.
Honestly, I wasn’t interested in any of them.
Come to think of it… had I ever actually felt anything for a guy?
“Even you, Sotoko, are really beautiful.”
For some reason, I suddenly remembered going to the pool with my brother when we were kids. His soft gaze, his hair shining in the sunlight, the two of us sitting close together by the water.
…Why am I thinking about him right now?
Because of what Zumii said earlier?
I let out a small, awkward laugh.
Of course I like my brother. He’s family. We rely on each other.
…Wait, why am I trying so hard to convince myself?
Ugh. Isn’t there just… someone out there? Someone nice?
“…Sigh.”
The moment I exhaled, I made eye contact with the woman sitting across from me.
Oh no. I was totally smiling to myself just now.
I turned to the window. The streetcar made a sharp turn and stopped at Kencho-mae. A stately white building came into view, framed by the dark edges of the window.
I took off my glasses.
Thick, black frames. Not cute at all.
When did I start wearing these, just to avoid standing out?
It was a cold day, with a biting north wind.
Right after passing through the red-brick gate of Ehime High, there was a bulletin board covered with the exam numbers of the successful applicants.
I found mine, then slipped out of the crowded campus and waited for my brother outside the gate.
“Hey—are you alone?”
A voice suddenly called out to me. When I turned, there was a man I didn’t recognize.
“You’re cute. Seriously, you’re really pretty.”
He wouldn’t leave me alone. He even grabbed my wrist.
“May I ask what business you have my sister?”
If my brother hadn’t shown up when he did…
I don’t trust people who come up to me just because of how I look.
They’re no different from that guy.
“Man, walking around with a girl like that would feel pretty great.”
I once overheard someone say something like that.
There’s no real care for the person—just ego. Wanting to look good.
“A girl like that” isn’t even an individual. Anyone will do, as long as they serve the purpose. Once they get bored, they’ll just move on to someone else.
There’s nothing there but shallowness.
And then there are people who think you’ll be happy as long as they compliment your looks.
It’s insulting.
“You’re pretty.”
“You’re cute.”
That’s all they see. It’s no different from a pet.
…And yet, I know that way of thinking is a bit too rigid.
If I keep spinning theories in my head without ever experiencing anything, I’m just narrowing my own world.
So maybe… if I took off these glasses, dressed up a little, and actually went out with someone—
would that open up a whole new world?
But… with who?
The woman across from me stood up.
The streetcar stopped at Minamimachi.
Oh—this is my stop.
I got up and followed her off the street car.
Final exams weren’t over yet.
For now, I just needed to focus on studying.
