Chapter 2 - Part 4: The usual Aidan
“Become a great hero, and, leave everything to us!”
“That’s right! Count on me!”
Dmitri. Owen. And. Basil.
I must have been a fool to hear the words they had said with a willing heart.
“Wait,” I muttered, remembering something
I immediately spun to go back to the room of the goddess, facing up to find that she was behind me.
“What happened to my dog?!” I asked a loud voice.
The goddess froze up with surprise, before calmly stating:
“Cerise, your dog, has been taken care of. She has found a new master.”
“Who?”
“Your neighbor.”
“That’s funny….” I said at length, before continuing down the hallway.
I can’t afford to show weakness here.
“A horde of demons awaits adventurers outside the city. I don’t want you to go to the forests. If you adhere to my words, then, I might show you some leniency. I can help then. But, not before you prove yourself.”
The goddess was busy shooting her mouth about her kindness once again.
“That so?”
What kindness?
I resumed walking.
“I’ll inform the guards.”
She looked horrible, with her deathly pale hairs. Even her face was too much directed towards the visual effects.
I can’t have been nervous in front of such a conformist person.
Wrong, you’re the one whose been a conformist ever since he learned to behave in the society!
“That’s not just me…”
The goddess was not following me - that’s good.
‘I can help then’ - she can stop my demon-lord transformation?
If so, then, why wouldn’t she do that now?
“Such a load of crap!”
I was forcefully brought to this world. I lost my chance to save on time and get somewhere I can be moderately lonely.
I strove - I strove a lot and finally got to where I had been in the real world, but, instead, I was tortured by a random curse here, got proclaimed as cannon fodder for the mere motivation of stupid heroes, and, am facing an uncertain path again.
Either way, I was not set on anything significant in the real world - I, even then, can’t accept that I’m living in this unknown world right now.
A butler saw me and did a proper job of ignoring me.
A maid saw me, and, took two steps back.
What would the demons do when I appear in front of them?
It can’t be that bad.
…
The scenery changed.
I was outside the castle, in front of its garden, which was highlighted by iron-made sculptures.
My stomach - my body - felt hollow, as my ragged clothes flowed past.
The guards hardly cared to give me a second glance
….
The outside of the palace’s grounds was pretty dreary, with gray splashes here and there.
My eyes hardly picked up any details though, as I started running with staggering steps, falling down three consecutive times, before resolving myself to simply trundle along the marbled pathway at a snail’s pace.
It’s been always like this.
I run too fast, and, people complain. I run normally, and, they say that I’m not to be bothered with. In the end, I just have to creep, until my grave welcomes me.
…
The villagers looking - looking at me, mystified.
I’m quite the rare animal, I guess.
A rare, stupid one.
Where are the forests? I can’t see a single one.
People won’t even extend their hands to me.
Right, who would extend his hands to a beggar?
I wasted too much time on anime last time? Read too many stories?
I would have liked to visit a few places, though.
‘Why didn’t you try to commit suicide again?’
I’ll do it! I’ll do it!
Either way, I enjoyed too many things which others didn’t even get to know about. Even if I ended up being alienated.
And, I kept running.
That woman who was my endearing mother. My protective father who finally lost me. My teachers who always liked to treat everyone equally, like hell? Who was treating me equally? I even got jumped on in interviews because I’m too unlikable, and, I had a few stuffs kicked in by accident by the end of all humanly interactions.
Is there someone who I liked? I guess that there isn’t anymore.
The times when I would jog by the mountains with my father, when my father would bring me to the local restaurant when I was just a five-year old kid, my father who would do everything for me… Everything, even if I did not ask, until I entered the college.
My time with my friends, until I stopped playing football, started burying myself because anime isn’t equal to a hobby like movie-watching, because I stopped listening to all kinds of Western songs, and, my efforts to make everything seem alright, when, in the end, I was just acting like a better person, when, I was simply bored of burying myself.
I don’t like this. I don’t like this.
…
“Demon! Demon!”
“Demon!!”
Seems like my outer status was revealed to the general populace.
…Currently, I was being relentlessly pelted with by stones, sticks, and what not.
In the end, I gave up on walking, and, simply laid on the spot.
And, they kept poking me with all kinds of sharp things, even trying to incinerate me.
Such a joke! They even tried to exorcise me!
“Die! You demon! Die!”
“Why won’t you die?! Why are you tormenting us?”
“Why?!”
The goddess’s protection?
I was eventually brought to unconsciousness by their graceful efforts, and, ended into a great slumber.
***
I woke.
I was outside the city.
I wasn’t buried to the ground.
Did they fear that I would creep back up to haunt them?
It’s a good laugh.
“Huh…”
Why are tears falling from my eyes?
In the far horizon, I could see the appealing greenery of the forest.
It looked so peaceful there.
Maybe that was where I was meant to be - among the demons.
I tried to lift myself, and, issued a groan upon finding my body to be battered and bruised in ways more than one.
“...Who?”
For some reason, I could clearly see someone beckoning me from the distant abbot of trees.
I managed to lift myself, and, started walking there, an increasing anxiety taking hold of my body.
I kept walking, one foot after the other.
It’s the final stretch.
I’ll be finally free of all this.
Exhaustion and desperation had made me unable to cry anymore.
…Or so, I thought.
“What do you want?”
The goddess stared at me after sighing with exasperation.
“Return me back to my reality…” I pleaded, my voice half-drenched in tears.
Where are the demons?
“I can’t do that. My powers are still recovering.”
“You can do that… Ask someone else to help you.”
“I’m a goddess, I can’t–”
“The fault is yours,” I said slowly, “if you can’t take responsibility, then, you shouldn’t have summoned me here.”
“I can’t do that. It would be unfair to the other heroes.”
“Heroes? You could have made some of your own world inhabitants as your heroes. Are you… Is there any difficulty in doing that?”:
“They don’t have the will,” said the goddess evasively.
“The impact is too small?”
The goddess was the same as usual; the way she was currently taken off-guard was the same as usual too.
“I don’t have the obligation to tell you that. The way you handle words makes it seem like I’m talking to the devil.”
“I can’t argue about that. I don’t know why humans are born,” the goddess appeared to be surprised as I continued, “but then again, what obligations do you have to the hero you summoned?”
“You are not a hero. You are a demon lord’s apprentice.”
“Let’s get that topic out of the window. What things can you tell me?” I asked, glancing at the forest she was barring me from with her body.
“You don’t have any will, do you?”
The number of injustices, sufferings, exclusions, and failures came in front of my eyes. Right now, I was twenty years old.
“What? You are talking as if you have any will despite being a goddess.”
“You really don’t have any will,” mocked the goddess, as if taunting me to prove her wrong.
Then, why would I still have the will to return home?
“That’s a different story. What about you?”
“You are insulting me. But, I’ll forgive you. You are not qualified to talk to a goddess, and, yet, I appeared. I can’t entertain you any longer. I have to care about the other heroes, and look out for dangers.”
“You are busy, is it?” I asked, feeling annoyed by her groundless sense of superiority.
“A devil, you are. Well, I’ll be generous, and, I’ll let you live in complete freedom for three more days.”
“Give me back the rest of my life. Even if you are a goddess, you don’t have any right whatsoever over someone who has never done anything wrong in his life.”
The goddess was shocked at my statement for a few seconds, before saying:
“You… You did not help your father. During all this time, you hardly volunteered to help anyone at all. And, you never enter any commitment by yourself. The world can function without you.”
My parents did not ask me to help them. They don’t love me, and, think that their own son is a failure, even getting angry when I respond to others’ call for help.
Even so, I can’t deny that goddess’s words.
“That’s right, the world can do that. You’ve reached your conclusion. In light of your resolve, I’ve given up on trying to hurt the other heroes, and, I’m trying to repent by going back to hell, and, help other demons understand the futility of committing evil acts,” I said, hoping that she would not bring up the topic of making me serve as an example for something else instead.
Of course, I’m your average human.
“I don’t like people who lie.”
For the first time in five years, and, fifth time in my life, I had lied.
“Well, I’m sorry about that. Even so, it’s unfair to have me live a hermit’s life, as compared to the others. Can I act like a meat shield, and, serve my purpose of being summoned here?”
“You don’t have the qualifications to act as a meat shield. Your purpose has been already defined for you.”
No, like I said, I’m not a prime-grade slime to be used for hero growth, or something like that.
I just want to die…
“As a librarian?”
“People won’t employ you.”
“What if you create a library for me?”
“It would be unfair to the others.”
Seriously, I’m going to kill you.
“I’ll rape you, and, I’ll be your husband.”
“I’m too strong for you.”
My will to die…
“Give me those three days. I’ll think up a way to repay your kindness, In the meantime, your job will become more difficult if you remain here. If you wish, you can go back to supervise the other heroes at any time now.”
It does not matter to me whether you give three days or a thousand days.
“...”
“Now, look here. I’m a liar, and, am willing to rape you. My mind is perfectly capable of adapting to become that of a demon lord. Even if you try having hopes in me, I’ll endlessly disappoint you, and, the other heroes will hate you for allowing me to remain here. Their faith will shatter, and, so will their powers weaken. They will not be motivated.”
I paused for just an instant, before saying threatening:
“If you don’t let me go back to my world, I’ll eventually injure every part of your body, and, the heroes will be left unprotected to die one by one.”
That… should get her to let me kill myself.
“Half-hearted. Your threat is so half-hearted.”
I took a deep breath, before saying:
“In other words, I’m not bluffing…!”
I coughed towards the end. Right, I did not stammer.
My body was ready to fall down at any time now.
Judging from my previous interaction with Dmitri and the other two, the other heroes had huge stats as compared to mine.
I thought that the difference couldn’t be insurmountable, but.. there’s no way that they’ll perish just from not having the goddess as a babysitter for some time… probably.
“Coward.”
“What do you expect? I easily should have the lowest stats after all! Isn’t that the truth?!”
“Your reasoning is absurd,” said the goddess, unmoved.
“It’s not that absurd. In the first place, even if you managed to ‘help’ me, which I know you won’t do, who in their right minds would want to fight something like a monster?! It’s not like everyone would rejoice-” scenes of what had happened at the prison appeared in front of my eyes, “-at having their flesh torn with horrible sounds while they are helpless.”
“You are annoying!”
How long would this continue?
“Hey… You are a goddess. Act like one, instead of pretending to be a rotten queen. I might look down on you soon enough.”
I didn’t even have my original strength - what a joke!
“Why do your truths so reek of untruth?” asked the goddess with a complicated face.
“Return me back to my original world,” I pleaded one last time.
“You don’t want it that much anymore.”
“...What?”
What was she saying?
“You don’t… Well, whatever.”
The words of Dmitri, Owen, and Basil sounded in my head.
“...”
The goddess started thinking for a while, much to my bewilderment.
And, she finally spoke up:
“At any rate, the problem lies with you. I’ll return you to the castle.”
Why is this getting resolved like it usually does in the usual way as it would in my usual world?
“I’ll give you an edge to supplement your low stats.”
“I don’t want that,” I replied, making my words sound as absolute as possible.
The problem lies with… me?
“But…”
Like Dmitri said, am I actually weak?
“Doing this might maintain the standard of heroes among the other inhabitants of this world…” I said uneasily, as the goddess almost nodded, “but, this is not your wish. You know about the way that I live. You already know the history of my life. As you said, I have a great deficiency of commitments.”
Because I’m too under-confident.
“...”
“You said that I’m a useless person. Of course, such an assessment, which has been made based on every person whom you have observed, should doubtless, be right. I’ll never get rid of the person standing in front of you.”
But, why am I under-confident?
“...”
The goddess was puzzled by my sudden outburst of words.
“ You should already realize that you are wasting a lot of time by now. Unfortunately, I can’t prevent people from wasting time…”
The goddess seemed confused as to whether to continue looking at me, or, not, as I kept on:
“...And, someone more serious would have already dealt with this situation since the moment you started talking to me.”
“Am… I… wasting your time?”
Such a thing doesn’t matter anymore.
“You cannot waste my time,” I stated, “I…”
...am already not worth it.
I quietened myself before I could make a mistake, and, was about to open my mouth again, before she repeated:
“Am I wasting your time?!”
“You are annoying.”
The goddess froze.
“...”
“...”
Sorry.
I could not apologize, since it might make her want to coerce me.
“Seems like one of the heroes has killed his first boss monster. I need to congratulate him,” said the goddess absent-mindedly.
Why did you tell me that?
“I understand. Sorry about saying that you are annoying.”
“You learned humility? …Well, I’ll teleport you to the castle.”
“Wait, I’ll go back there by myself,” I said, somehow frustrated that I was once again led by the nose.
“You are almost dead.”
“And I’m still not dead. I’ll wait for some time, before walking back there. Don’t be a burden to your duties.”
“Burden? That’s a pretty weird way of phrasing it.”
Somehow, she could not bring herself to arbitrarily send me to the castle through teleportation, but, seems like she couldn’t just bear to leave me without doing anything:
“No villager, or, citizen will hurt you anymore. I’ll see you at the castle once you stand in front of my statue. I’ll…”
Her benign words irritated me, but, I warded off my feelings, as she disappeared.
The way her eyes had been filled with pity hurt my self-esteem even more.
What was she going to say?
Don’t worry, the soldiers won’t probably want to let me through to a place which is of such high order as to harbor a goddess.
