Chapter 3 - Part 1: The usual kindness
And, as if nothing had happened, I started back towards the castle I had left in such dejected spirits.
Nothing has happened.
The villagers stayed away from me; the citizens stayed away from me when I entered the city.
“It’s getting dark.”
I can’t always be weak.
“The heck…”
My stomach was growling with need.
…
No one in sight.
Finally on the royal road to the castle.
As I marched, I saw a sword lying in a corner. There was also a small brown pouch lying besides it.
Now, that’s really convenient.
I approached the sword in question, but, paused when I noticed an angel carved onto the sword’s handle.
In the castle, that mark…
I was suddenly blown away violently.
What the hell?!
“No, it can’t be the goddess. It can’t be the goddess.”
…Wait, someone wanted to kill me?
The sword simmered in black flames as it disappeared.
My skin was still itching with alarm.
“Hu…”
I took a deep breath as I continued towards the castle.
I haven’t seen demons yet.
Maybe I’ll get to fight against one of the nobles in the palace instead?
…I’ll die by my own will.
As pitiful as it might be, the only significant thought on my mind was the worry that my dog might be feeling lonely in the other reality.
Well, even she might eventually betray me.
I heard that dogs were loyal to a fault though…
As I walked, a distant memory surfaced from my subconsciousness.
“Guess that I’ve lacked the resolve for two times now.”
The guards barred my way, but, I said:
“The goddess summoned me. Surely you can let me die in front of her in order to let my energy go back to her? So that she can summon a more worthy hero…”
The soldiers faltered at those words.
Since the villagers could read my outer status, it was obvious that the guards had been able to do the same too.
And, I managed to pass through the castle gates.
…
It infuriated me.
Why did the goddess mirror me so much?
She was the complete opposite of my introverted personality - even better.
Well, most people were different from me, but, I saw nothing wrong in that; nothing wrong in not being able to integrate any club, or, any other social groups simply because of my aversion to noise, blinding lights, and crowds.
But, I did not like someone capable of altruism, and, actually practicing it while preserving her own personality.
And, it was not just her…
In this world, or, on earth.
It told me how weak and unlikable I was for wanting to preserve my hypocrisy.
Even so, I stubbornly refused to become like people resembling her.
I refused to admit defeat.
As if people like me are good-for-nothing!
I’ll show you what I am. This solitude which I’ve had to suffer. This solitude which I’ve come to cherish. And, those desires which enable me to keep living. I’m more hardworking than this! I’m more knowledgeable than this…! I’m more capable than this…!
…
That’s why, I’m completely useless.
I don’t want to be respected for what I’m not.
I don’t want to leave my dark corner without anyone respecting the people who live in the dark.
“Welcome to the bright side! This place is much better!”
Such an absurd thing!!!
Even if I have to fail purposely, even if I remain without a single friend, even if I die without purpose…
I will never forgive people people for ignoring the importance of both the darkness and the light.
They ignore each other. They ignore each other to such an extent that I’ve always seen people struggling to choose and, cruelly rejecting their previous ambitions because of ‘brighter’ things.
Even when prospects are better in the other fields, they have to do what are expected of bright people, even when they are to live miserably for that.
They ignore me because I’m too bright. They ignore me because I’m too dark.
I would rather remain in my own darkness.
I’m tired of being selfish - tired of being too bright or too dark.
Tears came to my eyes.
Anybody can blame me for lacking steel, and having the peace which they feel entitled to.
But, why do I care about that?
In order to hide my face, I walked behind the goddess’s statue, and fell to my knees while facing the wall.
Everything is over. Everything is over… I felt so frustrated.
So frustrated.
Even if things could finally be forgotten when I was going to start my life as a student once again.
“I’m such a coward…”
My head resounded as if it was being pounded by a hammer. My body felt tired as I suffocated from my helplessness. And yet, I couldn’t do anything about this feeling. I hadn’t proven that people in the dark and the light are the same.
I’m a failure. I hadn’t proven anything.
Not even a single thing.
My body trembled like a leaf.
For some reason, it was feeling cold. I knew, somehow, that I wasn’t going to die.
But, it wouldn’t hurt to… I fell asleep.
***
Ah… I hyperventilated.
“Seems like you are awake,” came a feminine voice.
“Yes, I am,” came a dry, masculine voice.
“I watched you cry,” came the feminine voice again.
[“That so? Huh… wait! Forget that you did that! Forget it!” came back a shrill, high-pitched, girlish voice from Aidan Alastair.]
A chuckle came from the feminine person standing behind me.
“You are interesting, and weak.”
“...Huh?”
Normally, don’t you separate weak from interesting?
“So much people consider themselves as special snowflakes that no one ever dares to think otherwise. You are the same, but, you seem to be simply nurturing it noxiously inside of you. At this rate, you’ll waste yourself.”
“...What are you…?”
“Me too, even as a goddess, I feel dumb for having a superiority complex, but, no one can tell me that they don’t have such a complex themselves. Everyone is entitled to acting a little strong. Why are you punishing yourself?”
I did say that I don’t like people like her. She’ll eventually get bored and discard me - like everyone else.
[The goddess seems to be interested in you. Do you want to be her paladin?]
[Benefits: Huge boost on stats]
[Yes] [No]
[No] - I chose.
“Are you a fool?”
“Well, a fool certainly knows that this is not a game.”
“You are really stupid, huh?”
“...”
Was she really interested in me? Most likely, I would be ridiculed if I accepted this. I did not want anymore useless humiliation.
Or, it might just be kindness.
“Your process of turning into a demon-lord will be stopped if you accept my help.”
That’s the ‘help’ you mentioned?
You can make me your paladin even without asking.
“The process can be halted even without that, right?”
“Wrong.”
“...That so?” I asked, feeling slightly unnerved.
“Just joking. Well, you are not wrong. I was just testing you for just about this long,” she said, indicating with her fingers, “but, for removing the curse, I have to modify your status. I’m glad that your affinity to demon-lordship proved to be baseless.”
She was too serious about her jokes.
‘You’ll get a laugh or two at teasing her!’ had said Dmitri.
…Did I end up being the one being teased.
I just feel that it was too real to just amount to that.
“I’m not sure if this is a god-level joke or something like that, but, I shouldn’t assume that this is really just that, right?”
“I guess that you actually can,” said the goddess in a light tone.
“No, I can’t,” I replied bitterly, “since you were so intent on testing me, then, I can surely ask you to promise that from now onward, you won’t help me in any way whatsoever, and, won’t purposely ask anyone to help me. Also, you won’t face me unless I personally tell you to come.”
The familiar of the goddess appeared.
“I think that you are going a bit too far there.”
“You are a goddess. A ruler of the people. Ignoring harmless threats will do you good,” I countered, looking at the stag straight in the eyes.
“If you say that, then you…”
“Don’t worry. I don’t think that I’ll be needing your help for a long time after I get rid of this demon-lord apprenticeship curse. Someone like you has no business with me. If you ever try to come for me, even if to punish me, I’ll cut off one of my limbs.”
I’ll definitely prove that people who are in the dark are just as good as those in the light!
“...”
“...”
She sighed.
“I understand. I promise that I will not help you unless in an extreme case.”
“Not even in an extreme case.”
“That’s impossible. Your survival will make things easier for me. That also sounds full of purpose for you. Isn’t that right?”
“I-I don’t…”
Basically, that was what I also thought would make sense.
“Just don’t play at being a tragedy for too long, okay? I’ll send you to the dungeon with a training party after tomorrow. Get some good sleep, okay? Your eyes look horrible. You can stay here for all you want. You don’t need to worry.”
For all I want?
For some reason, I was crying.
It’s just that… I’m not used to kindness.
“Well, take a bath. I’ll prepare something for you. Your status will be modified just after that.”
The stag came close to me, and, gently grabbed me with his jaws, and, brought me to a bathroom.
And left me there.
I suffered, but…
