My Wonderful Mother’s Rules【英語版】【弁護士）菅野恭香シリーズスピンオフ１

“My mother is a lawyer.”

“Okan (*1), you are baka(*2)!”

I had been writing a homework essay titled "My father/mother" as I murmured it. My mom had been painting her nails at the dining table. She stopped and turned to me.

The living & dining room of our 4LDK (*3) condo was filled with an unmistakable coffee aroma. My mom had completely stopped doing housework and, with her bright red nails, she always makes coffee using the individually packed drip kind so she doesn’t ruin her nails.

"Ozawa's mom said a lawyer with big boobs is weird."

I explained more, and she shrugged without changing her posture.

"OK. I have big boobs and seem to always think about boys, which means I didn’t study, which means I couldn’t possibly have become a lawyer, which means these beautiful breasts must be artificial. Is that what she's saying? How myopic! You should end your friendship with such a kid whose mom has such low levels of IQ and EQ."

Then she held out a banana for my late-night snack. This wasn’t just because she knew bananas were my favorite, but in fact, she just feels cooking is annoying.

I wondered if Ozawa's mom said that for such a reason, but my mom kept on her hard-to-understand reasoning, letting the banana in her hand swing.

"Look at those dramas from abroad! Ally McBeal is a lawyer, but all she thinks about is men! Sexuality and intellect are not mutually exclusive."

For your information, “Ally McBeal” is the main character from an old American drama, my mom's favorite. Ally is a lawyer, but the story is not about intellectual, legal-related matters, but rather a love comedy with a series of wild events. I think. Probably. In short, the drama is a fantasy in a sense.

Mom got irritated with me because I wouldn't take the banana, so she put that sugar-spotted fruit on the armrest of the sofa I was leaning on. Then she added, "Using the Kansai dialect inappropriately will frustrate native speakers, you know."

People get pissed when you point out what they already know. I was put in a bad mood. And the real reason why I was so frustrated was easy to see for my mom. EQ put aside, her IQ is apparently high.

"So, who did you fight with?"

Bull's-eye.

"Kento."

"Kento Koyanagi? I seem to remember his father is a professor of brain science at Shirogane University? I guess he's a bit different from other fathers. So why did you guys fight?"

Our parents' jobs had nothing to do with it, I thought. But I kept on my story as it was the best time.

"I broke his Nintendo Switch. Not on purpose, and of course, I said sorry right away. But he was so mad, and so he said that I like Rio. In front of everyone, you know? Rio doesn't talk with me anymore. The moment she sees me, she runs away."

"Rio Yuzuki. I seem to remember her mom is a cosmetics influencer.”

Showing no sign of interest in her son's first love, unlike most mothers, she somehow disappeared into the next room, her study. Soon she returned with a calculator in her hand.

"So, you want to make up with him? Get back at him?"

Even though she's my mom, her behavior is hard to understand. Thinking for a second, I told her honestly.

"Both."

"Then it's easy." She tapped the calculator.

"I have no idea how much that Nintendo Switch thing costs, but let's suppose it's three years old and 10,000 yen at market value. Compensation for emotional distress caused by the damage to the gaming device would be 200,000 yen at most. But look at the damage on your side. Your honor was stained because your out-of-your-league romantic feeling was disclosed in front of everyone. You were shunned by the girl you like. You can make a big deal that your romantic relationship collapsed. Even a minimum estimated sum for the compensation would never be smaller than a million yen."

She gave a seemingly smug look and handed me the calculator.

Her advice is always hard to understand. She used a lot of difficult words and numbers, so I got frustrated.

"So?"

"You can simply say to him, 'I’ll slide on my claim of 790,000 yen.'"

As I liked her conclusion right away, she smiled like a big flower.

I tried to remember Mom’s reasoning by heart, and went in my room with the banana. But I didn’t finish the homework.

“My mother is a lawyer.

She doesn't cook or clean.

She's busy with work and always comes home past eight o'clock.

And she has to go to bed at 10 for her skin, so she doesn't have much time left.

But I can always talk to her.”

"Sorry."

I said to Kento during the 20-minute recess after the second period. Kento took a soccer ball from his desk and threw it to one of his buddies, then turned to me. No emotions on his face. We're fighting. But the ticket I'm offering to him makes his emotionless face turn to a charming smile, with a chipped tooth. I like Kento's smile. Especially when his eyes are crinkled in a smile. Those eyes you see in a smiley emoji.

In the end, I didn't choose my mom's 790,000-yen theory. I decided to get tickets to an Anime movie Kento was hoping to see and say sorry with the tickets. I'm not comfortable using gifts to solve problems. To be honest, I could afford to buy a brand-new Nintendo Switch and give it to him, but my answer was to get two 1000-yen movie tickets, the ones for children. That's my theory.

"I have cram school today. When shall we go?"

Kento was going to accept the tickets and my apology, suggesting we go together! That's why he's so great.

"I've got a swimming lesson tomorrow. Let's go on Saturday. After the movie, I want to have takoyaki at the food court."

"Okay"

The preliminary bell rang. Kento didn’t get to play soccer, but he's happy to have a ticket to his favorite anime movie. He's forgotten about the fight. Everything is easier done than said. Making up can be this easy.

My mom's advice was useless, but her silly defense theory, of a lawyer, did help me make up with Kento. However crazy and sexual she might be, or whatever people say, my mom is special to me. I’ll always admire her.

Notes

*1 “Mom” in the Kansai dialect

*2 “Silly” in the Kanto dialect, but it is “stupid” in the Kansai area

*3 4 bedrooms; L stands for Living room, D for dining room, and K for kitchen