The Chapter of Caesar
We have chosen to portray the world’s most famous assassination in a deliberately lighthearted, comedic way.
A large number of characters appear, but it’s perfectly fine if you don’t keep track of everyone.
We value clarity over strict historical accuracy.
Caesar:
The leader of Rome. Overworked and constantly busy. Has many friends -- and just as many enemies.
Brutus:
A close friend, almost like a son to him.
Others:
Enemies, allies… and various people in between.
The Chapter of Caesar
March 15, 44 BC Rome
Caesar, the man in power, was chatting cheerfully with his close aide, Kimbel.
WHAP!
Kimbel suddenly ripped off Caesar's toga!
Caesar:
“Hey, Kimbel! Don't do that! Give it back!”
Kimbel:
“Caesar, this isn't our usual joke today…”
Caesar:
“Huh?”
Figures began to emerge one after another from the shadows.
Casca the Elder:
“(tap tap tap)” SWISH
Caesar:
“Whoa! That was close! What?!”
Casca the Younger:
“Die, Caesar!” STAB
Caesar:
“Ow!!”
Albinus:
“Prepare yourself!” THRUST
Caesar:
“I said that hurts!”
Ligarius:
“As long as you live, Rome will fall into chaos!” SLASH
Caesar:
“Ow, ow, stop it!”
Galba:
“You stingy Caesar!” STAB
Caesar:
“I am NOT stingy!”
Domitius:
“We will not allow dictatorship!” WHAM
Caesar:
“Owww!”
Pomponius:
“HYAA!” SLASH
Caesar:
“Stop stop it!”
Basilus:
“Hogging all the knives for yourself, huh!” THUD
Caesar:
“I don't even want them!”
Cinna:
“(approaches silently)” SLIP
Caesar:
“Cinna, you're scary! Are you a pro? A professional assassin?!”
Galla:
“Excuse me?” STAB
Caesar:
“Guh! Who even ARE you?!”
Caecilius:
“This is to protect Rome!” SPLASH
Caesar:
“Whoa?!”
Septimius:
“Okayyy, here I go~” STAB
Caesar:
“Are you flamboyant?!”
Tullius:
“Hand over your property!” SLASH
Caesar:
“Straight to the point!”
Parmensis:
“……”
Caesar:
“You're not stabbing me, Parmensis?”
Parmensis:
“I'll go last.”
Caesar:
“Oh. Okay then.”
Labienus:
“……”
Caesar:
“You too? Not stabbing?”
Labienus:
“Just kidding.” THRUST
Caesar:
“GYAA!”
Blastus:
“……”
Caesar:
“You look like the type who'd stab me, Blastus.”
Blastus:
“……”
Caesar:
“Please don't stab me? (teary-eyed)”
Blastus:
“Die, Caesar!” STAB
Caesar:
“So you ARE stabbing me!”
Calpina:
“Enemy of Rome!” STAB
Caesar:
“So normal! Calpina, you're too normal!”
Petreius:
“I want power too!” SLASH
Caesar:
“Honest! Petreius, very honest!”
Enter Brutus
Brutus:
“Caesar…”
Caesar:
“Ah, you finally showed up.”
Brutus:
“Dictatorship cannot be allowed.”
Caesar:
“Yeah, heard that already.”
Brutus:
“It's to protect Rome.”
Caesar:
“That too.”
Brutus:
“I'm sorry!” STAB
Caesar:
“Blastus?! …Oh, sorry. Brutus, YOU TOO?!”
Brutus:
“Hey! You're not supposed to bite there!”
Caesar:
“Sorry.”
Brutus:
“Geez… okay, one more time.”
Caesar:
“Okay.”
Brutus:
“It's to protect Rome!” STAB
Caesar:
“Et tu, Brute?!”
Brutus:
“Nice.”
Caesar:
“Nice.”
Cassius:
“We shall reclaim our freedom!” THRUST
Caesar:
“……”
Trebonius:
“The chairman's here!”
Antony:
“Hey, you guys! Let's start the meeting!”
Everyone:
“Okaaay!”
Antony:
“Now then, we shall begin the 3,456th Senate session.”
Lepidus:
“Stand! Attention! Bow!”
Everyone:
“Nice to work with you!”
Parmensis:
“Oh! I forgot to stab him last!”
Cassius:
“I didn't get a reaction… even though I'm the mastermind…”
Antony:
“Hey, Parmensis and Cassius, quiet down! …Caesar, please stop sleeping and take your seat.”
Caesar:
“…Uuuugh…”
＊ ＊ ＊
“……Darling!”
Calpurnia jolted awake, drenched in sweat.
Calpurnia:
“I had a dream like that… I have a bad feeling.”
Caesar:
“Hahaha, it's fine! I've faced death many times before. I'll be fine today too!”
Calpurnia:
“Please! Don't go out today!”
Caesar:
“You worry too much… All right, I'll wear two togas today.”
Calpurnia:
“That's not the issue! That's NOT the issue!”
Caesar:
“My dear wife, once the meeting's over, let's celebrate with our finest wine. I promise. I'm off!”
Calpurnia:
“…That's a flag…”
At the Theatre of Pompey
WHAP!
Caesar:
“Hey, Cimber! You─let go of─
…huh?”
The End.
Produced & Copyright:
The Friendly Republican Faction
Cicero:
“Um… what about my scene?”
The REAL End.
Caesar was assassinated with 23 stab wounds.
I wondered what it would be like if they stabbed him one at a time?
a surprisingly hard-to-kill Caesar.
