020623
me and my boy cousin (this is not a childhood friends story, this boy is an annoying jerk)
we grew up together
begrudgingly you're my playmate
to the point you'll goad me to take an absent
of daycare days
playing hide and seek
until you hit my eye
with a stone
when you're teased enough
by me
those were the days, you jerk
you unfair ass who teased
but hates to be teased back
now that were hitting the nearing twenty five
here, by chance of occasion,
in this day we stood again
yet like the old days,
the habit that you will heed
while asking for my instructions
like an auto pilot
I was expected to take the lead
and you'll follow
I'm dumb
I'm sorry
I don't know
not anymore
it's been a long time, since then
don't you think so, cousin?
what a time it was
you've taken care of pops
but it seems you've never recovered
from alienation
like the rest of our generation
I wonder if you stopped going to college?
but if it's not your forte
then so it was
hey, do you know?
I can no longer give instructions now
for the younger days of misguided confidence
are nothing but incompetence now
don't think of me as a guidance
for I diminish
when I fucked up big
and rot like hell
are we fucked for staying?
I like myself before when I speculate
what my life is like
but disillusioned adult life hits different
when I remember this season
and all the days beforehand
before, I'm a determined chick
I don't know now though
I felt like going through an imposter syndrome
but I just remembered the days
when we play around this idle big car
and gramps would be around
ha!
am I truly an adult now?
are you an adult too, cousin?
fuck it,
I know we're nothing but idiots
while being a supposed to be grown ups
nothing much going on with our lives
you're also mundane sometimes
just us seeing each other
is like meh... whatever
but you reminded me something
a younger self, more ambitious
more proud and high achiever
now the bones of her adult self are brittle
about to snap into two
nearing this summer...
oh well, there's so much to do anyway
I hope you go to college and graduate someday, couz.
I really do.
but hey, this moment reminds me of you,
after ditching me a while ago while we were supposed to be
arranging something for tomorrow
hmph!
