Brass Balls
After waking up, washing, and making myself presentable, I finally left the room that was the site of my self-imposed exile over the last few weeks. For some reason, I was more conscious of the sound my boots made against the floor than usual. It was almost as if every boot tap against it was the echo of a ticking clock, the sound of a countdown to a conversation I was afraid to have. Making up wasn't even the right concept for what was about to happen. Still, running away from the situation wasn't working out well for me either.
Gilda wasn't in the common area. So I checked around to a few other rooms and eventually ended up standing in front of the door to her room. I had never been inside her quarters, so I briefly hesitated, but just as I was about to walk up to the door, it opened on its own. On the other side, Gilda was sitting on a chair with a pensive look on her face. She gestured for me to sit in a matching chair a few feet away.
"Come in, Willie. We haven't spoken for a while. I'm glad to see you looking well."
I sat down. It was a strangely designed chair. Actually, all the furniture in this room looked odd to me. I suppose this is what an alien's bedroom would look like... or maybe it's just what a girl's room is like. There was no way for me to know since I had never been in either an alien's or an older girl's room before. From my perspective, they might as well have been the same things. However, I was positive she had arranged for me to come here so she could have the upper hand by meeting me on unfamiliar ground.
"Hey Gilda, I'm here to talk about the situation. Let's skip the small talk and get down to the nitty-gritty."
She quietly nodded and waited for me to speak.
"I'm sure you've been monitoring what I've been doing the whole time. I figure you set me up with the scenario in the second simulation to shake me up. It worked real good too."
She seems to have expected me to realize these things, so I didn't see much reaction from her. Since she wasn't responding, I just continued talking.
"You've proven you aren't trustworthy, but at the same time, you've also proven that you've got valuable insights that would be impossible to get elsewhere. I can't say I'm happy about the circumstances that got me here, but I'm here now. I'd already decided I would see this through, and I'd like your help. However, I need to establish some ground rules if we're going to be working together."
I paused for a second to see if she wanted to say anything, but she seemed content to stay silent for now.
"No more lies. No more behind-the-scenes manipulation... like bringing me to this room. If you can't convince me of something head-on, then I'll need you to let it go. If you can't commit to doing that, then we're done."
She got a bit of a sour look on her face when I said that.
"Easy for you to say, Willie. However, you may make foolish decisions. Why should I allow you to decide what is right for both of us?"
I was shocked by her lack of self-awareness. The shit she had said, I could totally have said right back to her. But doing that wasn't going to get us anywhere.
"I'm the injured party here. So I get the final decision if we can't come to an agreement. For my part, I'll commit to always listening to your thoughts and won't just shut the door on your ideas without reason. It'll be my responsibility to try to convince you to agree with me. If we keep the lines of communication open, we should be able to reach a decision that works for both of us."
"So, you are giving up the right to unilaterally veto?"
"Yeah. I'll admit I don't know enough to make the right decisions all the time. So I'm willing to listen to you if you're willing to listen to me. Talk it out. Neither of us gets an unquestioned say in how to proceed, for as long as we're working together."
"If I agree to that. You do realize making decisions by consensus between two people will be much less efficient than deciding unilaterally, correct?"
"Yeah, sure. But I can't just trust you anymore, Gilda. To rebuild any type of relationship, we'll need to do things the long and hard way."
She paused for a second. I figured she was considering how to respond.
"Since this is about committing to honesty, let me just say something right upfront. You are very young, even by human standards. You know almost nothing, have seen very little and experienced even less. There are dangers out here you can't even begin to imagine. I believe you would be far better off letting me make the decisions."
To be honest, it really pissed me off that she thought so little of me. However, I couldn't objectively deny what she had said probably had a bit of truth to it.
"I'd like to deny that, but I'm sure it's at least partially true. However, it's also true that I'm not interested in being your puppet anymore. What I am offering is an equal partnership, the way it should have been from the start... take it or leave it."
By this time, she knew that I understood her better. She also knew I had seen through her to some degree. I wasn't underestimating her anymore. However, I was extending an olive branch when I had plenty of reasons to just cut her off. I had the upper hand, so she pretty much had to accept my terms.
A series of hard to describe expressions flashed across her face as we sat there in silence. Eventually, she sighed and gave me her response.
"I agree, but on one condition."
I didn't honestly expect a condition from Gilda here. I thought I had her over a barrel, but I guess she really had some brass balls. I tried to maintain a poker face and stayed silent, inviting her to speak with a gesture of my hand.
"You will need to keep up with me. If I can prove you are out of your depth, I want you to either quickly get up to speed or concede to my authority."
Oh... my... God... I underestimated the size of her balls. I know we weren't exactly making up here. She wouldn't apologize, and I wouldn't forgive her. I had wanted honesty, but this was already hard to take. She was treating me like an idiot. Maybe being partners wasn't possible after all.
After a few moments, I collected myself enough to respond calmly.
"Fine. I'll agree to that. On the condition that it's your responsibility to get me up to speed -- without trying to manipulate me. If you give it your full effort and I admit I can't keep up, then I'll agree to let you make the decision."
She smiled. I recognized that smile. It was the same one I made when I won.
"Fair enough... I agree to these terms."
"Good. I guess that means we can get back on track. I'd just like to say on a personal note that it's a bit frustrating that you think so little of me."
"Willie, you wanted honesty, so I am going to be honest. I am certainly fond of you. However, there is a vast gulf in our understanding of the realities of this situation. I had intended to have you focus solely on developing your magic for as long as possible. For me, that is where your value is highest. Taking the time to learn about galactic politics and history is just a distraction that does not serve my goals at all."
"Yeah, I'm sure you really believe that. For me, it isn't so simple. I can't just take it for granted that your decisions are actually in my best interests. Maybe once I have the facts, I might make the same decisions. However, it is just as likely that I notice something you missed. That has already happened. Just look at the example of my ability to see mana. If I had only acted as you expected, then I would have assumed it wasn't possible and never even tried. Based on your own statements, you should already know that only relying on your own viewpoint and presuppositions can blind you to the possibilities."
It seemed that caught her off guard using her own words and logic. Gilda was so convinced she was right that she had begun to dismiss the idea that she had missed anything. But that wasn't entirely her fault. She hadn't checked her conclusions against the opinions of anybody else because she couldn't. The people around her had unreasonably stopped listening. The fact that she was actually proven right must have been cold comfort weighted against the loneliness of knowing nobody was interested in even hearing it. My value wasn't just limited to proving her theories... in the best-case scenario, I could be a partner and sounding board to bounce ideas off of. My biases would not be the same as hers. Struggling with the other person's point of view would only make us both sharper.
"Perhaps you are correct, Willie..."
And that seemed to be the end of what she had to say.
I didn't feel great about where our relationship was now, but at least I had established what I needed from her to move forward.
"Okay. Well, since we're doing this thing differently from now on, I'm gonna need to know a lot more about where we're going, when we'll arrive, and what to expect when we get there."
