916. Morrow’s aurora, 4
(Selya)
A - Selya...
I reopened my eyes. Everything was between grey and white. I was upside down I felt, but I was standing. Was I? I realised I was floating again, except it wasn’t the starry sky in the void like before. Everything surrounding me was bright. I couldn’t feel anything from my body currently, but I didn’t feel out of balance.
I felt something bigger making my structure, and my awareness rising in the middle.
In front of me as I figured myself there, was her dark silhouette with thin limbs more or less like wings again.
She stood there with odd curves. She could have looked like my shadow in some ways. My reflection through an upside down mirror, inverting distances, but also light and dark.
I felt myself as if I was standing in front of her, imagining my body and clothing like they had been before the fight below.
I felt calm again, away from biological anxieties. My mind was a little more clear and confident now that I had won.
And my memory didn’t feel as fuzzy as before. I could remember most things happening over the castle lately, even from other perspectives than myself oddly. Mathieu following Pascal, with so much pain inside...
I felt how much time had already passed since that all happened. Days. Weeks even?
When I had been covered in silk below, I lost track of time. It was the same here again. I didn’t need to reach the source directly to absorb it and transform with it. I already had done most of the journey...
I tried to gaze at that lingering shadow.
S - Annie... You did reach the source before vowing to protect it. You already had melted there yourself...
The shade grew closer, almost embarrassingly so. The contrast between the ambient light and her utter darkness was spooking me. Even my hair and dress are colourful next to her.
A - And you as well... Ready to sacrifice yourself for a lifeless world? A world without future and without compassion?
S - Yes... Why did you do that to me? Didn’t you trust them and me?
A - No one is entirely trustworthy... And you don’t realise what will come to be... I do hope, that my sister chose well... But what will come for you after will be far worse than me.
S - You were testing me? To make sure I could handle it? What do you expect me to face as a goddess?
A - Just what being a goddess over the source of this T.I. will imply... You may be smart, idealistic and kind, you still are just a child... And this you will hold, is an unimaginable weapon... It’s not right. It’s a mistake. It’s a terrible mistake...
S - I will do my best to hold it together...
A - Selya... One day, you will see the other violet eye of the snake... And you will feel my dread. You will realise how even now, you are nothing. I pray... that you will understand what is the right and only way...
S - You’re just like Melenna in a way... You’re a collection of memories, hope, pain and fears, but you’re not really alive. You’re just a ghost from my imagination and the source now... Rest in peace Aïsshea.
A - I am your fears yes...
The shadow suddenly spreads and surrounded me. I felt my heartbeat somewhere increasing to faster rates nervously. I felt it grasping me and growing panic.
An awful sorrow and anxiety resurrected in me, even here.
Through her dark veil, she showed me the void again, terrifying me.
A - You should never forget me... Or you will make sorrowful mistakes... Remember me...
I looked at her, remembering her, remembering me. My sorrow and my weakness laid bare.
S - No one wants to be alone...
A - Selya... Just because you become akin to a goddess, it doesn’t mean you will never die or always prevail. You will suffer. You will feel lonely, and you will grow old until you eventually die... As mighty as you will be, slowly the void will nibble you over and drag you away, even you, ineluctably. Until eventually someday, no matter how much you enjoy the perfumes of life, these flowers you cherish through the world will eventually wither and die...
S - Everything dies and suffers meanwhile... Again, I will do my best...
I’m trying to make my grief and peace, speaking with myself.
Rebuilding confidence, and faith.
I look at her more sadly now, this poor ghost.
A - Do you remember, being happy?
S - Yes... A lot. There is still life to keep, and history. There will be more flowers to cherish as you say. If I can shine to allow this to continue, I want to.
A - Death and void will remain structural parts of you onward... So learn what you can, and prepare to meet someday the other half... I would love to think... that your reign of peace will last. Selya... Good luck, and thank you.
Aïsshean’s devotion was worth her martyr I thought as she vanished.
They didn’t die in vain, I promised, even if I were to die the next day.
I’ll be a fragile goddess, but I’ll be there. I’ll heal what I can from the wound below and the Earth after, not just for me but for everyone. And for me as well.
The source from now on, will be the light I emit freely it appears to be...
I let my mind wander off from this place. I felt as if filaments grew another cocoon around me, protecting me while I complete my metamorphosis into a goddess.
~
Even more than last time I reconstructed myself from the ground, I have the sensation that I could rightfully claim I know how a caterpillar must feel. That’s how I feel.
Butterflies were ever so rare in Mirabella. It had been so much joy to find one. An animal as big as a fist with wings the size of colourful painted sheets afterward.
I wonder if my wings will grow in colour and size as well, like a fairy maybe.
I’m rather peaceful. Because this time, it’s not feeling cold and dark around me as I dove into myself.
It’s full of light and warmth, from the overflowing fountain.
I’m feeling that sensation of wellness from being full, in every cell, between every particle of myself.
I know at this point my physical body won’t be much more than a marionette, like Melenna had been, and that won’t matter anymore.
As I grow and rebuild myself in this solid state, I realise how much further away from before I’ll be. I won’t have antennas like a butterfly, but I’ll have an extremely more solid core on which all my mind and persona will crystallise.
The time of ever evolving fluidity and risk of collapse will be gone. I’ll feel like I won’t die...
But I’m already slightly aware also of what that implies over a very long time. To extents hard to describe with the words I know, I was able to adapt and reshape myself better as I was in between.
Now that I’ll settle on this more solid other side, it might be impossible to go back...
I will have a fate, and maybe someday I won’t be able to revive, even with the entire power of the world behind.
As she said... I’ll always be afraid of being mortal. Always...
I will do my best.
My ascending true self will be structured around this emerged part of the iceberg that is the source’s power.
I’ll remain as human as I can be while interacting with reality, but my fundamental self will become a sheen or stain over something still hard to describe. But that should be alright nonetheless. That will be enough to keep things peaceful. It still all feels very weird and inhuman, but I believe everything will be fine...
Right now, I’m turning into a pale butterfly.
Or since I’ll be stuck to this invisible ground, maybe I should say I’ll be blossoming like a rooted flower.
Maybe a syncarpha.
In everlasting hope, for the new world.
May I bloom, for all that will come.
~
