897. Revenants, 4
(Selya)
I want my heart again.
I want to feel my body warmth again.
Listening to Melenna’s lessons, or echoes of my external memories under her perspective, I tried.
I tried to use that magic power held between everything fluid and vaporous that makes me.
These clouds I am more than a solid body, I see them shift and begin moving as I will it.
It’s not about my limbs moving, but flows of dimmer light deeper inside, twirling and rotating or changing, faster and faster.
My body above began feeling warmer already. And I began glowing into the twilight as well. It was almost amusing to notice myself glowing like a fluorescent light.
A few steps beside, Melenna was watching me and saying her advices aloud. She reinterpreted in words I could get what information I held but didn’t assimilate inside of me about these things. Knowledge from them, and maybe other things as well. I don’t know fully. I’m still so puzzled about her sudden appearance.
Then under that warming glow, I began feeling tickles everywhere, sensations awakening as some nerves were reactivated. The chemistry in my body changed in nature, transforming my cells ever so slightly.
Some viscous aspects of my blood cells and plasma changed gradually, and some tissues in my liver and kidneys regenerated as well. My muscles changed slightly their relations with oxygen and the waste acids they release. My metabolism was entirely shifting like changing an entire system’s way of working. It felt tingly and weird everywhere at once.
But it also felt so full of hope, I pursued it earnestly. I wanted to return, so much...
My inner temperature gradually rose, degree by degree as everything was tweaked and reactivated. My intestines quaked and even moved around as they changed shape because of the temperature changing. It felt ticklish even deep inside there. I heard some unusual popping sounds between articulations and muscles valves.
And I felt it.
In a small static electricity shock, I felt it inside. A thump. And the cycle of maybe six movements and dancing steps of the various parts of my heart muscle starting playing again.
Oh goodness it felt so good. I almost cried realising what just happened, just feeling that heavy stump and returning cycle inside.
The perceptions on my skin changed, becoming less sensitive than before oddly.
I’d understand later that it was because my global existence was able to rely less on magic and more on biology. So it was different sensitivities, and useless or challenging to keep both of them at once. Magic could move my body and more, but if biology was self-sufficient, at least for moving my body and framing my mind, I’d rather have that first of all.
So I felt a renewal of every sensation I’d experienced before, but more grounded and less extended away from me. It was more human and more real, in so many ways.
A new rhythm inside of me. My tummy aching for some food. More weight to sustain on my thin limbs and tired knees. I’ve been walking a lot lately.
My body this time was properly reanimated. It didn’t change what I had become essentially, but still returned most humanity to me.
I felt so much better hearing and feeling my warm skin and heartbeat inside, I could barely stand. I let go of the sword next to me for the first time since forever, and sat there to catch my breath and balance back.
Hearing my heart beat, echoing in my ears from inside, it was the most soothing and reassuring sounds I’ve ever heard.
I’m still there.
I’m alive...
I’m not a monster.
I sighed, a lot. It worked, and I was still overwhelmed.
The hollow sword I had dropped had simply fallen by my side meanwhile.
Melenna glanced at it, and then resumed looking at me. I think the corpse of Aïssheas is of no interest to her.
It still holds some exteriorised power, from me. Accumulated into the form of T.I. as she would put it now.
My magical power, wasted maybe, but it doesn’t matter.
Melenna stayed by my side as I recovered my senses with more natural scopes and limits. Goodness that was nice in a different way to lose these powers. Seeing everywhere around at once and feeling like you’re floating all the time, that wasn’t heaven.
I caught my breath back and stood up again. I think I even smiled at her. Probably not for more than a second, but I think I have. Melenna’s smile turned even brighter.
I felt so much better.
~
I picked up instinctively the sword after. I feel a little childish about it, as it’s a little like my adult comforter. My childhood plush toys have been lost in Mirabella. All I have left to connect me to my past is that weird sword...
I swinged it around a little, and then thought about it again.
I turned toward Melenna, showing her the sword.
S - Melenna... Should I really keep that? Do you think I need to keep it?
Mel - It’s probably still useful yes. It’s no longer what it once was, but it now is a good extension of your body and power. Think of it like a wand to more easily focus on what you want to accomplish.
S - Aïssheas was a talking sword... Now it’s my magic sword you mean?
Mel - Yes. If you need to fight, it won’t be the best of weapons, but it will be the right tool to focus onto. Its shape doesn’t really matter. Not any more than mine I’d say.
I didn’t react to her last sentence. I looked at the dull edge of the sword. Now with mostly my normal sight to examine it, all I could see was tired and damaged iron. It would need to be reforged to be of use as a blade I guessed.
S - But what I mean is... Do you really think I need to carry a weapon? How should I use that?
Mel - A weapon is still a specific use for a tool. It could still be of use to crush, cut, pierce or rip things someday without relying on your manipulation of T.I. And as a tool to focus, you could increase oxidising rates and their released energy of what you touch with it for instance. It can be your tool to transform materials in a way or another. It's a powerful tool you would use the same way as you handled your own body just now. But it’s safer for you to channel wishes through this hollow body.
She had a lot to say about how to use this kind of swords. I remained puzzled.
This hooded man I haven’t met along with Amna appeared to believe if I were to venture into new lands, I’d better be armed.
Mirabella and Majbrit were safe from most dangerous things that could venture the world I heard.
Now... Could I really have to face monsters that require me to have such a sword?
Somehow I doubted it.
S - I don’t have any foe to cut down.
Mel - You’ve been advised to be careful and prepared as you travel. I think you should keep it.
S - Oh... Okay...
That sounded a little weird to me. But I preferred to listen to her advice.
S - I don’t see the source as easily as before now however. Can you show me the way?
Mel - The Tamźródlo is that way. It’s still far away, but it’s changing.
At least Melenna has a good sight on these things that aren’t visible under normal light. She didn’t look around nor hesitate before showing me the way.
Like a real person, she can look at things I don’t focus on.
I haven’t entirely made up my mind regarding my fate yet, but I’ll head that way nevertheless.
S - You access knowledge I’ve gathered but didn’t integrate into me, and you can perceive things I don’t look at as I am. You don’t seem so much as something dependant from me and my mind.
Mel - Illusions can be convincing, don’t they? I still am merely a split part of your animated wish. I can look in different directions and talk, but I won’t be able to invent or decide anything, unless you want me to.
S - Okay... Melenna, do you think I should head there?
Melenna looked into my eyes, as if gauging me. I have more fear than doubts.
About what I want, what I hate, and that immense burden I’ve painfully inherited.
My fate... And the fate to be of the source, or even the world, whether I go or refuse to go.
I want to be encouraged, by a parental figure... More than I wish to hear the arguments again. Of course I want to help and protect, but that’s not what I need to hear right now.
She must know what I know about all that.
So what’s her summary of it, as a separated personality from me?
Melenna didn’t flinch, peering into my eyes frankly. She had to speak honestly.
Mel - Selya... Go.
I sighed.
I’ll go.
~
