054. About freedom, 4
(Luka)
Y - Hold on Luka, please...
Over the following days, Yura and I tried to survive on our own, straying away into the wild.
It’s aimless...
Nature had grown wilder everywhere. The initial zombified population around Henry’s nightmarish influence quickly died off. But other things just as bad took their places in the environment of the peninsula.
My body was growing in awful ways I couldn’t control anymore. My instincts and desires grew just as bad.
L - Leave me...
Y - I’m not leaving you.
He coughed some pestilence. There’s just no hope anyway. We were doomed from the start around here. It just took us too long to realize.
L - I will end up killing you Yura...
Y - Don’t say that...
But he knows it’s true. My hungers are reaching insanity in my melting head... And now I see him smile like Stephen, like Artom, and even like Henry, in the end. As if he’s made his peace with his unavoidable fate.
They all had embraced the short term eventuality.
L - Fucking daiûa...
Y - What was that even? What does that mean?
The source of all our misery.
And sadly the potential to powers none of us wanted to be seen controlled by the wrong people.
L - Just kill me please...
Y - Stop saying that.
Yura helps me walk as I turn into so awful things. I make Morgan in her final hour look pretty. My body is boiling. All their dreams and mine are blending inside my blood and heart.
Each new day feeling a lot worse than before.
We’ve reached the summit, but we won’t survive the way back down.
We’ve seen the absolute end of the human corruption and scientific world. But we won’t survive long enough to tell anyone. Because there is no one left anyway... Outside maybe that other city that would shoot us on sight.
Y - Without Henry’s promised cure, they must be as fucked as everywhere else.
L - I guess...
A nasty voice keeps rising within me. Yura gives me his last antalgic to swallow and some water to drink.
L - I don’t want to kill you...
Y - Don’t worry.
But I eventually will.
~
Another morning, I woke up with meat between my lips and tongue.
I swallowed it with delight.
Yura was contorting in pain on the ground, holding his bitten leg.
I couldn’t hear him anymore.
My darker hands reached him to help bandage his wound.
I think he forgave me.
And I thought he would then leave me behind. Yet, he didn’t, sadly.
If I still had a voice, I tried to tell him again. But he kept making that sad smile of resignation again.
My pain continued to grow, and my mind to dissolve in these urges. I lost all my humanity and sanity to these new instincts rewiring my head and flesh.
I ate more of him.
Then more.
The wounds grew worse.
I raped him. I devoured him until he was a mess.
The more time passed, the further I fell.
I ate his arms and legs. I couldn’t hear his screams nor feel his pain.
Still lusting to feel somewhat human, I raped him again and again.
I dragged what was left of him, as I continued to drift physically and lost in head.
Food and sex consumed me in a primal manner, until there was nothing left.
I dripped after these instincts, losing everything and heading East aimlessly.
I cursed my life and death with my last impulses of intelligence as I slowly dissolved along my way.
I scattered pollens and little mixed elements of myself along the way.
I was turning to nothing left, feeling my fall into nothingness. Emotions were long gone and so were worldly sensations.
Hopeless and inconsequential. Maybe I always had been, floating on the raging seas of fate and time.
~
Feeling myself die, each spark of awareness and intelligence or emotion and sensations were disappearing like fading stars.
It was like stars gradually vanished from the sky, without dawn nearing otherwise.
Although in my last moments with a sense of self, I had a kind of otherworldly perception.
That all these fragments of myself I had been leaking along this intuitive display of tenacity, pushing my lumps of decaying flesh through the land; they fed a next generation of little stars.
I think I saw the sparkling nebula of what might be coming next in my wake.
Different night skies. New and countless variations to try the same.
To rise, to feed and to propagate.
Had I not been already dead, that might have given me solace.
But in the end nothing mattered, and I too was dead.
The world was likely quiet.
My puddle finally collapsed, and my last breath and spark of life was extinguished within this melting and dripping fate.
~
