817. Freezing hearts, 6
(Temee)
The voluntary poisoning inside my veins, it passes...
During the night, I think.
I remained away from myself, hollow before that, a distant spectator.
Even if I felt in the distance some emotions strangling me.
My body coursed through the fumes to witness the bloodbath.
To see that somewhere else, she still was speaking the truth.
Thereafter, I staggered away, toward the docks, where I finally left myself fall down.
I breathed, in silence, gazing silently at the marine landscape, slightly agitated.
I ended up losing consciousness, and maybe even sleeping for a while.
~
In my painful dream, I relived that day, numerous times.
Repeating some moments on a loop, stuck.
Repeating with Glasgow what she was saying, and what either she or I did.
My arm...
My insane dream...
All gone in smokes.
I saw and heard other things along the end of the dream, when the chemistry of my brain mended.
The silhouette of Glasgow, tall and colourful, I’m at risk of seeing her again in my bad dreams from now on. For ever.
I seem to notice a hand stretched toward me.
A smile through the darkness.
N - Temee?
I wake up. I’m lying down on the cold floor. A thin but cold rain is freezing my skin.
The cold sensation on the innumerable wounds that cover my skin turn to pain.
The pain really wakes up and me along. It never really left me.
Coming along on every step of the way.
My normal consciousness reanimates me with much suffering, and a lot of sorrow.
I sit with the exhaustion of a poor night.
The acts and words of the precedent day still resonate in my damaged skull.
Her nefarious will...
When I manage to abandon my slow gazing of the sea, I turn around to finish burying the past.
~
The building of the immigrants has burnt entirely. Around, the surrounding blocks bear the marks of secondary fires, and uncontrolled explosions.
The morning mist drowns the details, and highlights the calm that now reigns absolute.
So few traces now indicate that humans might have escaped...
I return over the liquefied corpse of Glasgow.
I don’t think there’s even enough normal tissues left to bother burning. Everything melted and dried, without leaving any bone, nor teeth, nor hair...
Aside for a right arm... Mine, but that is now essentially rotten.
Even my bones have turned translucent and gelatinous now.
The right arm I move now, it looks normal. I don’t feel anything special there. But obviously, I feel a little concerned about it now.
For the sake of my conscience, or wish to put in earth this Glasgow which terrified me, I still go find some fuel to burn anyway what remains of her.
I gaze at the flames carrying away and above what is left of my darken arm and the stained ground from these weird but dried fluids.
During this time of mourning, I notice the fingers I had lost on my left hand have grown back.
It saddens me more than it makes me happy. For it shows me the inhumanity that makes me continues to grow really. What Glasgow talked about, I already carry some of it.
With a deeper nausea, I pick up in the ashes of our fight a small and translucent stone, orange in shade. It could merely be a crystal of calcite, but I see clearly it’s another fragment of what we abusively called uranite.
This one wasn’t created by angels or a forgotten medical technology. No. It’s more simply a seed of the new reality. A poisonous fruit... A gift they say.
Further away, while I was still undecided of what to do with this stone, I found another dilemma reappear.
The head...
I walked very slowly and carefully, and ended up picking it up. The mostly expressionless head, with the face now dirty, of my deceased sister.
The fire of the other remains still burning, so I hesitated to throw it in there.
Ukhtukht...
My heart resumed hurting me and making me cry.
A face that never changed all these years. A doll... But painfully dear to my heart, even if now on I don’t know what to think about who she is or who she was, or what she could still become...
What about me?
I made a few more steps toward the edge of the road that falls into the ocean.
I continued to breath painfully, without knowing what to think or what to decide.
I’m so tired...
Of everything. Of walking. Of fighting, of suffering, of being wrong and being manipulated...
I feel myself crying and falling slowly, holding the head I cared for still close to me.
The night seems to fall rather fast again around me. I surprise myself in a tired lull, with the feeling that your presence still embraces me Ukhtukht, covering slowing my back.
I indulge myself in this reverie slightly sweeter than this icy reality.
~
I dream again.
Of my family. Of my fantasies. The grieving doesn’t fade.
The unease in the darkness melts slightly into nausea.
G - Temee...
And somewhere, in a corner of the dream where it spoils, rises something too real I would have preferred forgetting.
Now... Now I’m so exhausted, facing the ocean, and knowing I had to kill...
Now that I had to do even that, I was hoping to finally be at the end of my struggles.
And there still is one, and it’s rising inside of me.
G - Let yourself go Temee... It will be okay...
I reopen my eyes terrified in a semblance of darkness.
I can see the sun through the smoke screen of this abominable thing, just like one would see the moon through a cloud.
I’m breathing her. She’s shrouding me. She’s already inside of me...
Settled enough to start moving and manipulating my right arm under her own will.
Instilled enough to be able to talk to me, this time not facing me, but directly inside.
Another disease. Or just hers, without body, spreading easily through mine.
G - Don’t cry little sister. You’ll always be with me somewhere. Let yourself go...
The tears cease. Not from my will, but hers, that settles inside.
Maybe I still have a last moment of freedom, before the end.
My left hand helps me to swallow the uranite and to repeat a last wish in the growing darkness that shrouds my eyes.
Of utopia... Of hope...
Or to survive, and to kill what would like to possess me... Even if you tried to play it on the love I had for you...
The pain she was appeasing suddenly rises out of control.
An unbearable heat begins to propagate in my blood.
I don’t really know if I’m helping her or killing her... I just feel that my body is soon screaming its pain under the weird fire that I wished for.
My mouth and veins dry. My right arm catches fire first.
A blinding light takes our eyes away from inside, and all that’s left, good or evil, begins to burn.
I disappear with Glasgow, all our dreams and our hopes, in this spark of poisonous light.
If only...
I was hoping so much...
The last thing I feel, is that distant impression that she tried to call me.
~
