729. Bloom, 9
(Nokarlık)
Tears are rolling along my cheeks as I look at the sky.
For in this afternoon the moon is bright, and my heart aches under this sight.
My lips are trembling, and not because I’ve myself barely survived.
Whether it was for me or yourself, these endeavours and their success remain...
My mothers fate is their unforgivable triumph.
Unbeknownst to me, whilst I struggled to flee a recurring plague, they rushed to the source of it.
And true to herself, my mother embraced her demise to set ablaze her purpose found.
I hate you so much mom.
And for that faint instant where the signal of it all shone from out there, I saw you even took along mother Night with you. You took her with you and forever away from me.
Mothers...
Now that it rains plague no longer, I understand what you’ve done... But again, how could I ever forgive you?
I’m crying my loneliness again, realising why you’ve chosen to die so far from me; and why that last signal was oddly delayed and distorted. It travelled far more than the surface of our world.
Right now I don’t have the heart to fulfil my promise to you. Nor to ever bring you back...
I begin walking away from that field where the last monsters are returning to the ground.
I’m feeling heavy.
Mom saved me, and I feel more sadness and resentment for it than gratitude.
I walk along the streets of one of these last cities not yet entirely buried, near the Nile river.
Far behind, the puddles brought by the rains I’ve fled from, through all the western desert and over the sea, now they turn back to plants.
The kingdom was almost gone... Abandoned.
And here’s to you, saving more than my life and all of our dreams.
As things naturally start to revive, here our will and purpose will grow back.
I tear up constantly meanwhile as I leave this city, and it will possibly be the last time.
~
I will continue to assist the garden in all its hiccups as it regrows after that natural disaster.
I will see to our kingdom come, even if it requires another century of work to compete with Eldorado.
I will not let all these deaths and triumphs be vain.
Even if I will ache because of you. Even though I will ache for I miss you...
For my life to come as queen of this garden, I will also do my best to overcome your loss.
For as you so often said, you die to let other flowers shine.
New ones will shine. The world continues to live anyway, without justice nor care. Others will shine. Others will die.
I will live on, and for all the years to come, I will look after the purpose we gravitated upon since before I was born.
To gradually make of this empty land the Kwiatziemia.
I promise on my last tears this will happen. Maybe there won’t be any flying trees. Maybe there won’t be any rose gardens nor grapes vineyards.
But flowers will bloom, and I will help them.
Maybe no humans either I invite will ever come, but I will keep my home doors open to them.
All the ones I’ve met on this continent and others, they’ve all and always been cold to me, or sadly far worse.
Humanity is the strangest of things I’ve studied and had to interact with. The kinder ones, they all refused my invites or fled from me. And then you flew away from me as well...
I promised you I wouldn’t become as god to the remaining humans. I will hold my word on that, also because I will probably forever remain puzzled about they go and behave. So they will continue to decline, and I will not care.
Not any more than my mothers and aunts ever had.
I will focus on my care of what autotrophic forms can grow there for a long long while. A time to study what future animals could as well bloom out here will come, someday.
Things will diversify as they come. All things will gradually come. I will care.
And I will welcome whatever comes to wander into our growing haven.
Because hopefully, I wish the next lost soul to wander into, it will be you...
I will always keep a keener eye toward the sky for you. I will always keep an eye on the tremors of the oceanic field of T.I. for the likes of you.
~
I failed last time to give you the solace and reason to exist you sorely missed.
Even I was not enough for you.
I will prevail next time a rose comes to bloom. I owe you that. You owe me that.
I owe you everything...
I’m grateful, for everything.
Because even now that I’m all alone, refused by humans and abandoned by beings-like-you, I’m happy to be alive.
Because even after I’ve nearly died a hundred times and nearly lost all I’ve ever build, I’m eager to see it all rise anew.
If there is one thing you’ve desperately tried to teach me over time, it’s that all forms of death and losses have but one purpose. To feed the new life to come, and to inspire the new cycle to come to progress.
That in my deepest of pains, there is hope to find in what will come next.
There is vanity in blind optimism for not all lives end ever well; but it’s not nihilism to embrace that after every end, a new dawn will come, regardless of what happened.
The world is unfair, because no god nor nature cares. We all are intelligent and alone.
R - Alors... Sois libre et cruelle.
Be free and willful.
I will.
For all the years to come.
~
