329. Creating life, 4
B - Of course reality will be different from fantasy. Our child will never be everything we imagine. But don’t you want to try it? With me?
I get a vertigo again.
I liked that fantasy...
Bleue is sitting over me, not letting me escape again.
I just opened my lips, about to protest with whatever remaining excuse could come to mind, or unpleasant feeling to express.
One of her finger tips came to shush me, pressing onto my lips.
B - You don’t have to.
R - To what?
B - I understand and empathise with at least some of the reasons why you feel that way. A little. So, let’s just start as normal sex alright? Like we used to before that.
With her touch I am on the right slope, though still a little distant or confused.
I remember the scary though that she wanted to experiment with that thingy...
I mean, with the weird power that’s infused there as well...
For now she’s only undressing me further to play with my skin here and there.
She helps my hands to slide along her skin in gentle caresses, from neck to her hips.
I feel her kisses and caresses all over me as I get warmer.
That things erects, but she’s cautious not to touch it for now, heading for my feminine counterparts below instead..
We have our usual love making. It’s been too long I feel.
I gasp. I enjoy. I feel like I’m burning.
As I try to sit up after the sweat begun cooling down over me, I notice. I remember as I look at it, that thing is still there on my lower abdomen, more or less poking around where my belly button should have been.
And no matter how strongly I can feel about it, the later biological oddity is surely more unholy than the former...
How I came to life in this body is far more blasphemous than what I could be sexually.
It’s a little sad for me.
My penile trinity graciously hasn’t bothered me while I was enjoying my normal feminine pleasures with Bleue.
But it hasn’t settled either.
B - So it’s disconnected from the normal nerves? You experience its sensations separately?
I nod. It would seem so. I know on other times that my vagina didn’t feel nor leak anything whilst I masturbated this thing to get some plant fertilisers. I feel red from shame just saying that even now.
R - If only it made roses grow...
Bleue bursts out in laughter, liking very much my misplaced disappointment. There still are some little flowers growing behind, which is a good start, but no roses amongst them.
This time Bleue wants to help me relax, and accompany me in getting more gently accustomed to the idea mostly.
After my orgasm from her fingers with me, I’m not feeling like I’m in a strong negotiating posture, to say the least
I just roll my head on the side as if to say that I give up
So she begins touching me again, but around the part of me that I hate calling a part of myself.
B - I’m happy the first one I really get to see and enjoys is yours Rose.
R - What are you saying.... This is so wrong.
She twitches. There’s a word, an adjective to describe our relation I’m not allowed to use anymore.
Despite it being how it began for us, and how a part of me still wants to feel about her.
R - I’m not going to use the S word Bleue, I’m sorry.
B - Just close your eyes for now Rose, alright?
R - I’d... rather not.
She smiles and says its good.
She kisses me, and plays with that thing. Until I get to feel this other pleasure and its more distinct sensation of something fluid coming out.
Bleue just wipes her hand nonchalantly and comes closer to hug and kiss me.
I sigh, looking at the sky through the ceiling windows.
I held on, but I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel lost...
~
After a short nap we just discuss about it.
There’s still a little of dry mucus in her hand.
She pokes my thingy, teasingly, which makes me cover my face with my hands in shame and her laugh at my misery.
B - How different is it?
R - There was mostly pain before, so it was day and night, no matter what I feel. Uneasy mostly.
B - No I meant, against our woman pleasure, how does it feel?
R - Ho... Well... The sensation is similar, but it’s more... Red.
B - Red?
R - That’s about all I can say in the way I feel these things and describe it. Ours is yellower.
B - The roles are reversed this time. I’m the one not following your logic. Colours?
R - Serves you right, succubus.
She holds her breath, as if to refute or pout. Instead she just pinches me.
I retaliate.
~
As we climb down from the kind of nest we were in, along the warmer pipes of the machine, we notice stains of fluorescent mould here and there, on her clothes and on the ground.
That is unfortunately probably what I think it is.
B - If your sperm can do all that, I wonder what your oocytes could become? If we were able to expel them differently...
R - I should never have left you read Miss Shelley’s novels... But I haven’t noticed anything unusual happening to our menstruation blood and flesh so far. So it’s likely all the same as before. However I know the ovum of a previous me helped create bodies like ours.
Dragod and the mindless roses would have been fascinating to study for the amoral scientists of another time.
B - I remember when I was a child that I thought it would be nicer to lay eggs instead.
I smile. I like that idea once too.
B - Do you still menstruate?
R - Yes. I didn’t really lose anything. But I’m not ready for what you’re thinking next. I can’t. not yet.
B - I’ve broken most of the walls you laid between you and me before and so far... I’m ready for the next one.
She gently kisses me.
B - Let’s go step by step alright. And I won’t ask you to create life as a woman normally should.
R - Thanks... And that sounds ever so wrong.... Given our situation, but... Thanks. You really want to have a child, don’t you?
She touches her tummy so flat and slim you can see the shapes of the thin muscles below her skin.
B - I want my love with and for you to bloom into this new, entirely new story yes. More than ever. What we were before... You know, the original Blue and Rose might have been happy just holding hands, although I doubt it. We... We can wish for more than just drifting away helpless in this time. We can have and create more. We can have our own child, I want to seize that chance. To me, that this is a possible reality is far more magical and beautiful than any centuries old romantic promises. It’s far beyond the blue rose of our distant past.
B - And yes, I also want it so much more because our life on this Earth won’t last. There won’t be another chance. There should never have been a second chance for us to live together again! So to live happy, and to create life together... With you... With you! It’s the dream that was unthinkable, so far and unfathomable even I never dreamt of it! Now this combination of insane chances has brought us to this miracle of an opportunity that would happen even less than once upon a time! Truly... Yes, yes I want to embrace it!
I’m left a little speechless.
I can see a little what Bleue does now.
A blue rose far beyond the old one.
~
