1108. Family, 8
(Armylè)
Prume wasn’t completely gone. She was getting accustomed to her new state of things and possibilities.
Reality felt to her like a lid above her, as if she was in a coffin, that was her unresponsive body. Her consciousness was partially severed from her body perceptions, making it all feel as if it was happening behind a wall locking her in a lower dimension.
On occasions, she could tell that someone was close to her and talking. She could hear distant rumbles. It felt more or less distant depending on the time and occurrence. It varied.
But since she could recognise the voice most of the time, she was able to tell its importance. She tried to answer when she was at the highest levels of awareness, but it was always in vain. They couldn’t hear each other.
E - The snakes returned. I don’t know what they did to you...
P - Did they hurt me? Or helped me?
E - They’re in your back now, behind your shoulder.
Elyne was sad, Prume was very far away. In her little world where she wouldn’t react to her.
Prume, from the other side, was hearing her and considering everything at once. Did she hear that right?
She would find her way, but now she was wondering about them too.
Elyne went to check and touch the three points of her sister’s back, anxious and willing to convey that information about her that had changed. Prume didn’t really feel anything, nor noticed anything different at the time.
Elyne continued to talk about it, about this and that, and every other thing that worried her.
Prume lost the words but felt the pathos she was trying to convey over time. Prume would have addresses her sister’s fear, but wouldn’t have had a simple answer to give.
Being together would have helped. And for Elyne, this was at a level where even I couldn’t help as much as we wished.
E - I miss you...
P - I’m sorry Elyne. I’ll find my way out... It just... Might take me some time.
~
I noticed on Elyne’s gloomy expressions and unspoken words that she couldn’t manage to share these with me anymore. There was something she felt guilty or shy about and couldn’t tell me openly.
It worried me. But I preferred to incite openness and being there for her when she would be ready, than trying to force something out myself. From my perspective, that would more likely backfire and make things worse instead of better. I knew it wasn’t about common pains anymore.
I kept things comforting around her so she could feel like falling was okay. And an evening after quite a depressive day, she opened up. She sobbed, and told me everything. About the snakes, the man she hurt, and how she missed her sister.
How many times had they seen these emissaries around them again concerned me. They had been around them all the time more or less.
I had this cold intuition again, like cold air behind my back, as I heard her telling me again and again what the emissaries apparently did to Prume, and her fear that it would happen to her as well.
What could I do? This reminded me of unpleasant things.
This reminded me of a dream where I saw them, or other ones. What are these emissaries again?
A - My sweetheart, have they returned since then?
E - Not yet... Not yet for me.
A - I can’t see them. But... Perhaps there is no need for them to reappear for now? For the many years they’ve been around me and you, I don’t think they mean us any harm.
E - I don’t know what they want... You think they’re good things? How could you tell!
A - Let’s say I have my insights? From my perspective...
I hope they mean well, and that all will end well. But I don’t know. We can never know for sure.
How to reassure her when I’m not myself? I try my best while remaining honest.
I remembered more or less my previous dreams with the cute looking face. Nothing was obvious, but I think they were somewhat kind... I have a bud of trust toward them.
A - Don’t you think they tried to help Prume this time?
E - I don’t know...
A - Try talking to them again next time? I recall it didn’t do much last time, but I think they’re trying to connect with us, nothing else.
E - They don’t talk. They never did anything before, reaching her back was the first thing ever...
A - Wasn’t it just at the right time to help you think?
Elyne wanted to believe in my optimism, as was I. But you don’t cure uncertainties like that instantly.
E - What should we do mom?
A - Well... Keep confidence in yourself, in both of yourselves. You are strong. I hope and believe you will make it through this. I don’t think the emissaries mean you any harm.
A - You have trust in our strength? And you, you manage to have... faith, in something you’ve never seen?
Now I smiled a little, holding her dear.
A - I do. From before you were even born I believed in you. You are brave. You’ve endured everything past already. I know you make it through when things are hard and will accompany you along. It’s agreeable to doubt yourself in some moments when you feel weary facing the unknown. No one else would have done any better than you have my sweet. So yes, I do believe in your success, even if I have no proof for that faith.
E - I don’t know how you’re doing that.
A - Well, because I love you. I heard from my father that a mother is supposed to be god in her children’s eyes. I know you’ve outgrown that part of your development. But for me, you two are still the core of my happiness. I believe in you two, with all my heart.
E - I don’t understand you...
A - I want to trust that what comes out from your interactions with the world will also be good. From me, you will make your lives good. And I love you more than you can yet realise.
She was a little embarrassed, but I didn’t let go just yet. I cuddled her a little longer until some of her shallow woe could be dispelled.
Thankfully, she wouldn’t see them for a good while.
~
Were there really no one in the world who could explain to us a little more?
There must have been... But how could I find them?
Who could know more about these odd kinds of daiûas?
Their drive, their origin, their purpose... I wasn’t sure where to search. I wouldn’t be lucky enough to just meet them so easily.
There must have been some knowledge useful to us somewhere, but I had no idea yet where to go.
For now we were still all lost in new uncharted territories.
~
Elyne fell ill for the first real time in her life soon after. She got sick from a kind of flu, giving her headaches and gooey nose. She had harsher and harsher coughs for a while, reminding us of worrying times.
Since it didn’t get better as quickly as I would have expected, we eventually decided to check her with a doctor.
Hopefully that wouldn’t go too far with the analyses, but that seemed benign enough.
And thankfully the new man was more focused on being kind and act playful than looking too deeply into the details. He smiled, laughed about himself, and made his job lightly with the sickly Elyne.
He diagnosed the good current flu, and prescribed a typical treatment for my one eyed daughter rather simply. She would rest for a week or two, and that should be all.
We returned home, but Elyne was ill and depressed still. It got worse, she was in anguish.
I brought her to see her sister hoping it could help, but this time she wasn’t allowed inside.
Prume was losing points on her ladder and Elyne was exhausted.
Things were in a low.
I dragged Elyne back home, since she was still trying to cling to her sister through the window, and now it did more harm than good. She needed more rest than pointless wait. It had been a mistake to bring her to visit her sister.
She needed to worry about herself first. But Elyne was in a painful place right now.
I cared for her, holding myself together for the three of us.
~
The depressive time continued for a while. Elyne got over her sickness, but not her depression. Prume was falling downward into deeper comatose states.
Sometimes she still seemed to dream apparently. So she was starting her longest dream ever to be made in life this time. Hopefully it won’t feel too different for her memories when she wakes up.
I wanted to believe she would just metamorphose her body into an adult, and then wake up normally. If only her life could be so easy...
Prume became like night. I didn’t like hearing that expression from a clumsy doctor. They kept her body alive, didn’t run any more test I wouldn’t agree on, and things appeared steady for both her and the city.
So I could focus on helping my unsteady Elyne now...
She trusted me, and kept the minimum of hope about everything. She was gritting her teeth, holding her tears inside, hearing how Prume was falling deeper inside. This would be a lengthy comatose state again.
Elyne was hurt badly, but... I made her promise me she would live on, no matter what happened next.
It was an excruciating oath for her to make. Prume could die, Prume could turn completely vegetative, Prume could return greatly diminished and handicapped. And there’s a faint chance she might return, in an unknown number of years.
A - Prume can return to the heart of your life if she returns. But until then, you have to survive, be brave and grow well. So promise me you will do well on your own no matter what happens to her.
E - ...
A - Promise me Elyne.
I made her cry... I made her say it even if she didn’t mean any of it. I hugged her shedding my own tears.
Please grow well.
~
