Chapter4 The Secret of the Ears
The scent of snow seemed to grow slightly stronger.
Alice remained seated for a while, holding the empty box the Santa had given her, unable to move.
Deep in her chest, the rabbit’s voice began to stir again, softly.
You have to run…
No, Alice thought.
But thinking it wasn’t enough to make the voice stop.
Faster. Farther. If you stop, you’ll be left behind.
(Left behind…? By whom? Where?)
Questions she couldn’t answer spiraled inside her.
Slowly, Alice stood up.
Cold air filled her lungs, sending a dull ache through her chest.
The tips of her ears caught the snowy breeze and trembled faintly.
Then—
—crunch.
The sound of snow being stepped on.
Alice turned her head instinctively.
Between the white trees, yellow eyes gleamed.
A Cheshire Cat’s laughter rippled through the air.
“Well hello, Alice. Those are some impressive ears you’ve got.”
“…Mister Cat?”
The cat slipped down from the tree and sat in front of her.
Its tail swayed lazily as it stared at her ears.
“Have you noticed them?”
Alice touched them without thinking.
Slightly damp from the snow, soft and cold.
“Noticed… what?”
The cat smiled—only with its mouth.
“You don’t need the rabbit to be a rabbit.
If you have the ears, that’s enough.”
Alice gasped.
“No…! The rabbit isn’t— it’s not me—”
“You think it’s a different personality?”
The cat tilted its head, tail swishing.
“Alice. The voice that rushed you, the voice that comforted you—
they were all you.”
Alice shook her head.
“That can’t be true! The rabbit tells me to run, and I want to stop—!”
“Most humans are like that,”
the cat said calmly.
“The part that wants to run, and the part that wants to rest.
The part that’s afraid, and the part that pretends it isn’t.
They’re all born from the same heart.”
The words pierced her chest more sharply than the cold snow.
(I was the one chasing myself…
I was the one hurting myself…)
Warmth spread slowly inside her.
Her rabbit ears stood straight up.
They trembled like living creatures, responding to her emotions.
And then Alice realized—
(These ears… they’re the shape of my feelings.)
“That’s right,”
the cat said, as if reading her thoughts.
“Your heart became ears.
When your heart says ‘run,’ they stand.
When it says ‘rest,’ they droop. That’s all there is to it.”
Alice staggered back a step.
The box in her arms shook lightly.
“Then… the Queen’s red, too…?”
The cat glanced toward where the red air had faded.
“The voice that says your body must grow up.
The force of change.
The pain of resisting growth.
All of that was packed into the Queen’s red.”
Alice bit her lip.
She could still feel the Queen’s fingers under her chin.
“And Santa’s red?”
Alice asked, her voice trembling.
The cat’s eyes narrowed slightly.
“That’s society’s voice.
‘Decide.’ ‘Choose.’
A rite of passage meant to turn children into adults.”
Her chest tightened.
(Both of them tried to take my life away…
My pace.
The time I had to remain myself—)
Tears welled in Alice’s eyes.
“I don’t want to choose either…!”
The cat smiled faintly.
“You don’t have to.”
Alice looked up.
“…What?”
“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.
This is your heart’s country, after all.”
Alice inhaled.
Her chest still hurt.
But somehow, it felt lighter.
Just then—a soft wind passed through.
Snow lifted into the air, brushing her hair and ears.
Tears fell from her cheeks, disappearing into the white.
Alice crouched down and wrapped both hands around her ears.
“Was I… the one hurting myself…?”
The cat didn’t answer.
It simply stayed there, quietly.
“All that rushing… telling myself to grow up faster…
That was me… all of it…!”
Her tears fell, dotting the snow.
Through sobs, Alice cried out,
“I don’t want to choose either!
I don’t want to be rushed by anyone anymore!”
Her ears shook violently.
The rabbit’s voice was gone.
All she could hear now was her own trembling breath.
Watching her, the cat spoke softly.
“That’s fine.
Choosing not to grow is also a perfectly valid choice.”
Snow continued to fall, gently.
Still holding her ears, Alice nodded through her tears.
—End of Chapter 4—
