There's no way i like gals, right?

There's no way I like gals, right? vol 1

1

There she is. Again. Fuck. I hate her so much. I hate her confident smile. Her stupidly cute face. her overwhelming bright and bubbly personality. I hate it. I hate it, hate it, hate it. Honestly. The world would be so much better off without people like her. These people on the top of the social hierarchy, who think everyone else is but a mere slave to them. These people, who can do anything they want, without a care in the world simply because they are ‘popular’. These people. Who ruin the lives of people like me.

And the one I hate most is none other than the most popular girl in our year, Akari Tanaka. She’s currently sitting there on a table, chatting away with her popular group of friends without a care in the world. The rays of sunlight shone on her, casting an almost bright aura around her, as though to say, ‘back off, lowly peasant.’ The radiance leaking through the windows only accentuated her perfect features. She had a small, cute face. Big stunning eyes, which glistened like jewels in the light, a small, petite nose, and a bright cheerful smile. Her flowing and vibrant hair that draped down her shoulders, and cute bangs which covered her forehead. Her figure also was top tier. She had big boob–

Wait, what the hell am I thinking!!! I thought to myself. I hate this girl. Why am I talking about her like I’m a schoolgirl with a crush. There’s no way I would like her. Someone so self-centred and arrogant. R-right? I-I’m a girl myself anyway! T-there’s no way I like other girls…

Right. I’m also a girl myself. A girl who is the complete opposite of Akari. I’m Hina Sasaki. And I’m a loner. I have a small face, with half-lidded eyes which constantly had dark eye bags clinging onto them. A small, round nose, with big, black framed glasses perched upon it, and a quiet mouth which barely ever spoke to anyone besides my own family. Scruffy, dishevelled black hair flowed from my head, and all this was perched on a skinny frame devoid of any curves which would attract gazes. I was also short. Rly short. Even for a girl. So short that I’ve been mistaken to be a couple years younger than my actual age multiple times. I would never think of myself as cute, or anything near Akari’s league –

“Hina”

My teacher’s cold and harsh voice cut through my thoughts like a knife. I was brought back to reality almost suddenly. She stared at me with a condescending glare.

“Answer this question.”

“Y-yes..”

I replied meekly.

I slowly and nervously got up from my seat and began frantically flipping the pages of the textbook. In all honesty, I hadn’t listened to the teacher at all, and I was now suffering the consequences of being in my own little world. As I desperately continued to search for the question, I could feel it again. The stares. I hated being put on the spot. I could feel everyone’s stares on me. Scrutinizing every little detail or action I do, just waiting for me to mess up so they can make fun of or jeer at me. They all looked at me with intent eyes, just waiting. My throat seemed to grow tighter as it became harder to breathe. My head started hurting, and my knees grew weak. It took all my strength at that moment just to stand. My breathing grew more heavy and rapid as I could feel their sinister stares scan all over me, waiting for me to mess up like the loser I am.

“I’ll answer it!”

Akari’s sudden cheerful and bright voice cut through my dark thoughts like a bright sun on a rainy day.

“Are u sure?”

The teacher asked

“Yes!”

She replied enthusiastically. She jolted up from her seat and answer with a loud, “24!”

“Mhm. That’s correct. Pay attention next time, Hina.”

“Y-yes..”

I immediately sat down and was consumed by my thoughts again. Why did Akari answer for me? it intrigued me, puzzled me. Why would such a popular girl like her help out a loner like me? no, no. that can’t be it. She couldn’t have been helping me. S-she was just… reinforcing her position by correcting the loser! Yea! That’s right! There’s no way someone like her would do that out of the kindness of her heart.

Right?

The bell rung, signalling the end of class. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief and lazily began to pack up me pencil case and books. I could hear the snickers and taunts from the students around me about my incident earlier, but I was powerless and could only ignore them. as I packed up my things with my head down, I heard footsteps approaching me.

“Hina?”

It was the same cheerful voice which had saved me before.

“Ur name is Hina, right?”

I looked up and slowly took in the view of Akari in front of me. I inspected her delicate, elegant features, and her graceful ways. Maybe for a bit too long.

“Uh.. ur name IS Hina right?”

“Y-yes!”

I was instantly snapped out of my thoughts and could now feel a heat rising to my cheeks.

“That was a close one huh? Luckily I saved u~!”

Akari sung, in an almost, cheerful, sing-song kind of way.

“Y-yea..”

I tried to hide the redness which was creeping up to my cheeks due to Akari being so close to me. I breathed a shaky sigh.

“My name is Akari Tanaka! Nice to meet you!”

“Oh.. I know who you are.” I mutter coldly. “Everyone knows…” I added under my breath.

“what was that?”

“n-nothing!”

Akari suddenly leaned in close and began scanning over my face. She inspected me with a fiery intent in her eyes.

“You look really red.. are you sick?”

“N-no! I’m absolutely fine!”

She leaned in closer, her face painted with scepticism.

“Are you sure?”

Our faces were now only mere inches from each other. I could hear and feel her soft breathing and smell the scent from her fragrant hair. My head began to spin, and I desperately had to conceal the blush which was slowly appearing on my cheeks.

“I-I have to go.”

I suddenly stood up and grabbed my bag, heading out of the classroom efficiently and swiftly. Once out of the view of any classmates, my mind started rambling again.

W-what the hell was that? Why was I so flustered and nervous? I-I don’t like her! N-no way right? And why did she come up to talk to me… R-right! She had to maintain her image of a kind and popular girl, so she did so through comfort a loser like me! T-that’s what happened.

R-right?

I couldn’t sleep a wink last night. All night I was tossing and turning in bed, my mind clouded with thoughts. The dark bags under my eyes had only become more pronounced, as they clutched to my droopy eyes. I stumbled drowsily through the street, an occasional yawn escaping my lips. If only I could sleep right now on the street –

“Hina!”

H-huh! N-no way.. d-don’t tell me..

“Hina!”

The loud voice called again, ringing through the silence of the calm morning streets. It was Akari. No doubt.

“Wow! What a coincidence! I never see u on my walk to school!”

She said as she approached me.

“Y-yea… I couldn’t really sleep last night… so I’m walking to school later than usual.”

“Oh… yea I can see that. You really couldn’t sleep huh?”

I nodded shyly and thought to myself, ‘and who’s fault is that huh???’

“Are you sure you’re not sick? I mean… yesterday before you ran off you looked really pale.”

“I-I’m fine!”

“U sure?”

Akari leaned in closer again. I was again temporarily starstruck by her pretty and delicate features. she leaned her face in closer and looked at me as though inspecting a lost child. We stopped walking, and she slowly reached her hands to grab my face and gently placed our foreheads together.

“Hmm… your forehead does seem a little hot”

I felt a familiar heat rise up, a blush threatening to paint my features. I hastily pulled away.

“W-what are you doing???”

“Oh. Just checking your temperature.”

I couldn’t bare to look Akari in the eyes, much less even look at her, without the threat of red tinging my cheeks. I quickly turned around.

“I-I gotta go…”

I clutched the strap of my bag, head down, and I ran. I ran all the way until I had reached the school gates. As I tried to gather myself through a few deep breaths of the tranquil morning air, my mind was instantly racing with thoughts.

W-why? Why am I reacting like this? To Akari out of all people? Theres no way, right? I don’t like girls. I-I’m not lesbian…A-Akari’s just… trying to get a rise out of me! Yea! I bet this is another classic case of the popular kid teasing the loner to get a reaction out of them! N-no other reason! B-but… then… why am I reacting like this to her?

I exhaled a final time and tried to mentally prepare myself for the school day ahead. I cautiously but swiftly paced through the school gates, until I reached my shoe locker. I changed out of my shoes into my school slippers, and walked to my classroom, prepared to start the day.

I sat down, and sure enough, there they were again. The popular kids. Akari and her friends were again seated around each other, chatting away blissfully without a care in the world. Fuck. Why do they get to live so carefreely just because they’re popular. Makes me sick. So sick honestly. They live, so unconcerned and oblivious, knowing that they are levels above mere peasants like me. The world would be so much better off without them.

I looked over to Akari again. Like usual, the rays of yellow sunlight which coated the room was really bringing out and accentuate her soft, flawless features. Fucking slut. I continued stalking her, as if I was a killer scouting out her next victim. She continued giggling and chatting, probably about how many guys she’s been with or whatever popular girls talk about these days. She then turned to me. And waved.

My body and mind instantly froze. It was as if my brain suddenly short circuited, instantly clearing the ability for me to form any coherent thought. All I could do was stare mindlessly at Akari, who was waving to me with her usual bubbly grin. I felt the familiar feeling of heat rushing up again, threatening to tinge my cheeks rosily. Something tugged at the edges of Akari’s lips, and her signature grin turned into something of a mischievous smirk. I instantly looked down to my table, not daring to pull my head back up again. Maybe not for ever.

W-why did she do that? S-she was teasing me, right? Y-yeah… surely... that’s why she was smirking at the end. There’s no way such a respected and revered queen like her would wave hello to a loser like me. S-she was just teasing me. I’m sure of it.

I spent the rest of the class with my head down. I did not dare to look up, not even for a split second. My mind was still filled with thoughts… thoughts about Akari… I abruptly slapped both my cheeks with my two palms, causing a soft smack sound. The self-inflicted action did little to ease my mind, as my brain continued to race with thoughts of Akari. No way. I-I don’t like her. Not at all. She’s just…very memorable. As I stared down at my textbook, the words on the page turned into a jumble of words and symbols. I could not concentrate at all.

I sighed heavily as I sat down in my usual place for lunch. It was a wall of one of the lesser used buildings, with a few weathered wooden benches and a vending machine serving as décor. The wall was originally painted a bright white but had now faded into a much more softer colour due to the elements. No one ever came here, as the building had not served any practical purpose. It was the only place where I didn’t have to deal with people’s constant stares and muttering. Being invisible was better than being bullied.

The vending machine was still boasting fresh refreshments every day, which often surprised me, as no one ever thought of coming here to purchase a drink. It was a long walk from the nearest class. I placed my pink plastic lunchbox and opened the lid, revealing the contents. It was always made by my older sister – I was too lazy to cook anything myself. I scanned over the box of food. Tamagoyaki, kaarage, salad, etc. With a quiet phrase of gratitude, I picked up my chopsticks and began to eat. I then heard footsteps approaching and froze.

Why? No one ever came here! Why today? What could they possibly want? My mind continued to race with questions as I heard the footsteps come closer. With a swift turn around the corner, I could make out who it was. Akari.

H-huh??? W-why the hell is she here??? N-no way… don’t tell me… she found out I ate lunch by myself and is going to bully me for it??? I kept my guard up and avoided eye contact as much as possible, like a prey minding its own business.

“Hina?”

Oh no.

“O-oh…hi Akari…w-why are you here?”

Akari’s puzzled expression morphed back into her bright usual smile.

“Oh. All the other vending machines in school were taken for maintenance today, but I guessed they missed this one, since no one ever goes to it. I just needed a drink”

“A-a drink… huh…g-go ahead”

What the hell??? Why am I saying go ahead like I own the vending machine??? I verbally berated myself

“Thanks!”

Akari took out two silver coins and slotted them into the vending machine. With a loud ‘ka-thunk’ sound, echoing in the silence, she reached down to grab her drink.

Don’t look at her ass. Don’t look at her ass. Don’t look at her ass.

“Hina? Are you alright? You ran off this morning…”

“Y-yeah! Absolutely fine!”

I jolted up, snapped from my immoral thoughts. Akari smiled reassuringly and waved her soda can in the air, which glistened in the sunlight.

“Do you like this drink?”

“H-huh?”

I looked at the can she was holding and read it.

“S-sorry… I don’t really drink coffee. It’s too bitter.”

“So, you prefer tea more? Or soda?”

“U-uh…I don’t really prefer one over another…they’re both better than coffee though at least.”

“Yea…I can see that. I don’t even know why I started drinking coffee honestly. I guess it just made me seem more grown up. Which I guess allowed me to make more friends.”

This bitch! I thought. All she cared is being popular!

“B-but… its still very bitter. I can’t deny it. I-I hate how it tastes.”

“H-huh?”

I was suddenly taken aback. This was the first time I had seen or even heard of Akari, the Akari Tanaka, being uncertain about something. Her usual smile faded a little, but she quickly caught wind of it and plastered on her signature grin again. She then slotted another two coins, and with another ‘ka-chunk!’, she threw me a can of melon soda.

“See you!”

Oh no. Don’t tell me she was going to eat lunch with me every day from now on.

Finally. The end of school. I exhaled and packed up my pencil case and textbooks, shoving them tightly in my book bag. I walked to my shoe locker and changed from my slippers back to my shoes. The school was quiet and empty, as I had decided to wait a little longer than everyone else to leave in case Akari somehow caught me again. The school yard was tranquil, with the trees swaying and leaves rustling in the autumn breeze. The vast and expansive concrete tracks laid in front of me, its weathered and cool grey soaking in the last of the evening rays. The orange and red leaves continued to dance, and at each end of the field was a white rusty goalpost. The lush green grass surrounding the yard had now faded into a more rustic greyish green. A few scattered balls laid on the field, soccer, baseball, basketball, etc.

“HEY!”

I jolted as I heard a loud shout behind me. And it didn’t sound like Akari. I slowly turned around.

“What are you doing, are you in a club?”

It was a teacher.

“N-no…”

I mumbled pathetically.

“Then go home. Students who aren’t in clubs can’t stay in school after class”

“Y-yes…”

I muttered sheepishly. I then turned around with my head down and walked to the train station as fast as I could.

I always took the train to school. I don’t really know why. I guess it was just a sense of comfort. Theres no judging or jeering. No ‘I’m better than you’ or ‘I’m more popular than you’. Everyone was the same, just people minding their own businesses, with their own goals and places to be. It was quiet. But a comforting type of silence. Everyone, with their own purposes, not judging or teasing anyone else who was different.

As I made my way through the streets, I again internally cursed at listening to my sister. She had recommended me to go to a high school situated in Shibuya, that way I could ‘enjoy my youth’. Yea. Only if you actually had fucking friends. To loners like me, the urban jungle was just another tiring and long obstacle before I got home.

“Curse you big sis…”

I muttered under my breath.

It was quite late by now, so the streets lights had already been set up and people were already out. The vivid and bright neon signs and billboards shined brightly, each with a different product or ad screaming in your face. Idol and anime posters hung from each building, each showing a new show or a ‘supposedly’ attractive man, though I had yet to find one to swoon over. The tall concrete office buildings and department stores were tightly packed and sandwiched between one another, each one taller than the last. Tall, black streetlights were so plentiful that they made it seem like it was as bright as day. The grey and dull concrete sidewalk sprawled everywhere, each end snaking into another road or alley. It reflected the kaleidoscope of colours casted by the bright signs and lights. The constant sea of moving people emitted a loud murmur of chattery and laughs, as I navigated through the sea of pedestrians. The loud honks of taxis rung through the air, mixed with the sounds of buses and other cars. Shibuya made me feel even more small and alone. And I felt lonely enough.

As I made it to the station, I scanned my JR card and hastily made it down the stairs to my platform. The platforms had a flooring of yellowish-white marble tiles and pillars. Dim fluorescent lights hung from the ceiling, emitting a dull buzzing. You would think for a city like Shibuya, they would at least upgrade their train stations. The walls again were plastered with billboards and advertisements. However, this was still much calmer than all the commotion which occurred above. I exhaled and calmed myself down as I stood waiting for my train. the signature green and silver train soon arrived, paired with an announcement on the intercom. I waited patiently for the passengers to file out of the train, before stepping on the train myself. I finally breathed a sigh of relief as I collapsed onto a seat, exhausted.

“The next station is Nakameguro”

The loud announcement jolted me awake from my daze, and I slowly came to my sense again. I adjusted my glasses and slowly got up, preparing to leave the train.

Finally, home. Or Nakameguro. Nakameguro was one of the more quieter and calmer neighbourhoods of Tokyo, something I greatly appreciated. The streets here, unlike Shibuya, were unassuming and quiet, with old brick buildings lining the streets. Faint glows and dims occasionally radiated from izakaya’s and restaurants. A few modern and polished buildings here and there, emitting bright lights which lit up the whole street. Bicycles and minivans would occasionally whiz through. The grey concrete path echoed the sound of my footsteps.

“I’m home!”

I knocked on the door

My sister opened the door.

“Who is is it?”

I heard my mother call, presumably from the kitchen

“It’s Hina!”

I stepped in the house and gently closed the door behind me. I changed out of my shoes and into my slippers, and slowly advanced to the sound of my mother’s voice. I was correct. She was in the kitchen. And she did not look happy.

“Where the hell have you been???”

“U-uh… I had to do something after school.”

“U-uh… a club.”

I couldn’t bear to tell my mother that the real reason was to avoid a girl.

Her face suddenly contorted into an expression of joy and surprise.

“Y-you joined a club???”

“Yes mom…”

“Wow! Really? That’s a first! I never expected you to, since you’re so shy and all. But this is great! Maybe you’ll make some friends!”

“Yeah mom, maybe…”

“Aww don’t be like that sweetie. This is an excellent opportunity for you to socialize and make more friends! You could even invite some over!”

“Yeah…”

I slowly paced out of the kitchen and into the living room, slumping on the couch like a lifeless corpse. My sister, Hana, walked over to me with a mischievous grin plastered on her face.

“What do you want.”

I snapped.

“Oh… nothing, just… wanted to ask what club you joined”

“I-I, uh… T-that’s none of your business!”

“Oh? Don’t tell me you lied to mom…”

“T-that’s…”

She sat down next to me and leaned in closer.

“I know why you lied… and don’t worry I’ll keep it a secret…

“W-why did I lie?”

“Because you were secretly hanging out with your friends! Of course I would know! I used to do that all the time!”

“U-uh… yea… right… friends.”

I nervously agreed. She couldn’t have been further off from the truth

“So… I’ll keep it a secret, ok? I knew you would appreciate my high school offer eventually!”

“U-uh… yea… Shibuya at night was… fun.”

“I know! Why else did you think your big sis recommended you go there?”

She announced triumphantly and proudly.

“Yea… thanks.”

Her playful smirk contorted into a full-on grin.

“Were there any guys?”

“Go away!”

The next day, I made sure to wake up extra early to avoid crossing paths with Akari. I got up half an hour earlier than usual, which caused my sister to stir.

“Wha…why so early today?”

I suddenly jumped up, not expecting to have waken anyone.

“O-oh… morning sis.”

“Mornin”

She yawned and stretched her arms over her head. Her loose and baggy pyjamas were draped over her curvy body, and her long hair was messy and unkempt. Her pale skin was accentuated by the cold morning darkness.

“It’s not fair…”

I mutter, glaring at her breasts, which were much bigger than mine. Unlike my sister, I was still flat as a board.

“Huh? Wha was that?”

“Nothin…”

“Oh…I get it…”

“Get what…”

“You’re going early today cuz you’re meeting up with a boy aren’t you?”

Her words took a few seconds to process in my brain.

“W-what???”

I sputter

“N-no! Ofc not!”

“Then why else would you get up so early… I always have to drag you out of bed”

“I-I just felt like going early ok!”

“Alright, alright, whatever you say.”

She chuckled to herself as she lazily paced back to her bedroom

The morning commute to school was less intense than the commute after school. There were usually less people, although granted there still was a lot of people. I stepped out of the house and breathed in the cold morning air. I had never gotten up this early before, so the streets seemed eerily quiet. As I walked through the empty and tranquil streets, the only sounds which could be heard were my own footsteps and the occasional van or bicycle passing by. Every store was still yet to open, all barriered shut by their steel shutters. I eventually reached the station and settled down on the train.

“Phew. Looks like she’s not here”

I thought to myself as I looked around, hiding behind a tree in the school front yard. I could feel the many gazes of curiosity and judgement stab my back, but I continued to scout out the area for any sign of Akari, I exhaled when the coast was clear.

Then it was the same routine. Shoe locker. Change shoes into slippers, then gather my textbooks and head to class. The class settled as the lesson started. The lesson went on. When suddenly…I felt a paper ball hit the front of my head.

Finally. It’s started. I thought to myself. The bullies have really ramped it up. They’re not content with just words anymore. They’ve started to use physical methods as well. I exhaled and braced for the next paper ball to be thrown my way, but it never came. After a while of shutting my eyes, I opened them, confused. No one in the class seemed to be paying attention to me…so who? I glance at the crumpled ball of paper on my desk, and slowly uncrumpled it, hoping to find a clue about its owner.

“Hi Hina!”

It said in bold and scribbly letters. I looked up, confused as to who this letter originated from. My eyes met Akari’s, who smiled happily and waved to me. It was her who had thrown the ball. She’s definitely teasing me. I thought to myself.

At lunch, I had to move from my usual spot in fear of bumping into Akari again. The only other place I knew no one would go was an empty classroom. I slid open the door to the empty and quiet classroom and sat down carefully on one of the old desks. I opened my lunchbox and began to eat. The sound of my loneliness echoed through the empty hallway.

PE. Fuck. I absolutely hate PE. It’s the one subject I dread the most. I clearly was not born athletically gifted. I’m short, skinny and slow. The complete opposite of Akari. Akari was not only gifted in the looks department but maxed out on the athletic department as well. She’s fast, strong, and energetic. Her movements are swift yet graceful, and her abs… oh…

I began imagining Akari’s toned body which was concealed under her sports uniform. Those contours… edges… W-what the hell am I thinkin??? I suddenly slapped myself again with both my palms, this time making a sharp clap sound. No no no no… why am I thinking about her in this way? I-I don’t even like her…I’m sure of it.

I walked into the change room and slowly unbuttoned my uniform. I then slipped into my sports uniform and cautiously walked outside to meet the rest of the class.

“We’re doing laps today.”

The gym teacher said. A collective groan escaped from the class. The gym teacher was a tall and burly man, with short, striking black hair and piercing eyes. The outlines of his muscles could be seen through his tracksuit. No one dared to disagree with him. The gym teacher then randomly split us into groups, with one group running at a time. I brought my knees to my chest and slumped, nervously waiting for our turn.

The whistle blew, and I went forward with all my might. As I continued running, the sound of my feet meeting the floor became less frequent, and m breathing grew more ragged and rapid. The more the lap went on, the more my vision blurred, and the more difficult breathing became. My throat felt like it was closing in, and my breathing only grew heavier. I panted desperately as I continued stumbling, each step heavier than the last. My form turned sluggish as I slowed down, and I bent over, panting. The sweat trickled down my cheeks and eyebrows, seeping into the concrete track below.

I took a big sip of water, relieved that PE was finally over. As I sat there exhausted on the floor, I could hear murmurs and mutter behind me. I could make out it was the voices of two or three boys.

“Did you see her?”

“Yea! She was so fucking slow!”

“I know right! Like how the hell was that even possible???”

They then all laughed in unison and continue to hurl insults my way. I hated it. It’s all coming back to me again. The popular kids picking on the loners. Just because they’re popular, they’re allowed to look down and jeer at people below them. Those on top of the social hierarchy, who can insult anyone below without a care in the world. I dropped my head down onto my knees and pulled my knees closer to my chest. Please stop. I thought to myself.

“What the hell did you just say?”

The sharp but recognisable voice cut through my dark thoughts like a blade. Akari? Oh no… she was probably going to join them in bullying me wasn’t she. And just when I thought she wasn’t that bad…

“What the fuck did you just say?”

Akari repeated again to the boys, her tone sharp.

“Aw hey Akari! We were just talking about this loser. She was so fucking slow in class, you wouldn’t believe it!”

“Yea! You should’ve seen her! She was pathetic!”

That’s right. I am. I’m pathetic. Nothing but a pathetic loser.

“Don’t hey Akari me.’

Akari growled.

“A-Akari?”

Another boy said, his tone slightly shaky and wavering.

“I said don’t hey Akari me? Don’t associate me with assholes like you! Urgh! You guys are the real pathetic ones! Bringing down everyone just because you think your better! Honestly! You guys’ fucking disgust me!”

“Akari we were just joking…”

“Joking??? Don’t give me that shit! You guys are a pathetic waste of space! You don’t know how much Hina’s life is worth more than all of yours!”

She continued a stream of heavy insults until she eventually huffed and walked away. The boys stood there as dumbfounded as I was.

T-there’s no way she defended me out of the good of her heart, right? Y-yeah! that’s right! She defended me only to keep up her image of the perfect popular girl! That’s got to be it! N-no way she would defend a loser for me because she actually cared.

The rest of the day was a blur which seemed to whiz past me. Before I knew it, it was the end of school.

The next day, the lunch bell rung, signalling the start of lunch. I slowly and cautiously stepped through the hallways to my usual lunch spot, looking around to make sure no one was here. as expected, it was dead silent. I exhaled a sigh of relief as I clutched harder to the can of soda I was holding in my hand. I had spent 10 minutes in the local Lawson, debating on which flavour of soda she preferred. I had stared at the rows of soda in the Lawson fridge, my palms sweating. What does Akari even like? W-what would a popular girl like her even like? Grape? No…Lemon? Too sour…Cola? Too basic… In the end I chose melon soda. The safest choice, I thought. Who doesn’t like melon soda?

I anxiously anticipated for Akari’s arrival. I knew she would come searching for me every lunch in my usual spot. That was the type of person she was. Sure enough, after a short wait, Akari peeked her head around the corner, and her eyes met with mine. I suddenly froze up again, like my body was suddenly turned to stone. My breathing hitched, and I could only stare at her brainlessly. I could feel my heart beating faster.

“Oh! Hina! You’re actually here today!”

“Y-yeah…”

“So… you’re going to start having lunch here again like usual?”

I nodded meekly. She responded with a genuine smile.

“H-here… I wanted to give you this.”

I reached my arm out, still holding the can of melon soda.

“M-melon soda?”

I nodded vigorously.

“I-I know you don’t actually like drinking coffee…Y-you told me u drank it only to appear more mature. S-so here!”

I thrust my arm out again.

“I-I know deep down you want to drink this!”

Akari stood there, dumbfounded.

“T-this is thanks for yesterday.”

“Oh. I see.”

She slowly came to her senses again. When she did, a small smile slowly spread into a big genuine grin.

“W-wow thanks…you really don’t know how much this means to me”

“I-I wish I could give more! B-but… I don’t have a lot of – ”

“No.”

She shushed me with a quick and sharp retort.

“This is more than enough… thank you so much”

H-huh? I thought to myself. She’s lying. There’s no way a measly can of soda is enough for a girl like her, much less one from a loser like me. I slowly looked up, but I was only met with a genuine expression of joy.

“T-thank you Hina. Really.”

I sat there in class later, my mind racing with questions again. I could not focus on the class again, my mind clouded once again with doubts and questions about Akari. Why was she so happy? All I gave her was a can of soda. S-she was probably laughing at how shit of a gift it was right? Yea that’s it! T-there’s no way she actually appreciated the gift…

“I’m home.”

I closed the door behind me and changed back into my home slippers. Hana approached me with her usual smug expression.

“What were you doing this morning~?”

“N-nothing! Going to school!”

“Oh really~? I saw you at Lawson. It looked like you were looking hard for a gift. For a boy, perhaps~?”

I felt a blush creep up again.

“W-what! No! Idiot!”

I spattered out.

“Oh, come on~ you don’t have to lie to your big sis…I’ll keep it a secret from mom you know~”

“Just shut up!”

I walked to school the next day just as early. The weather had gotten colder, so my breath formed a white fog as I exhaled. I was wrapped up tightly and snugly in a scarf, as I paced the cold and empty morning streets toward the station. The train ride seemed to go by much faster today, as I was mainly distracted by my thoughts and confusion surrounding Akari after yesterday’s incident. I stepped off the train, scanned my card for the gate, and stepped out into the cold Shibuya morning streets. The walk was like usual, although much chillier. I held myself tightly with each occasional gust of wind that hit me, as I walked faster to the school, determined to escape the cold. I finally arrived and was greeted by the cozy and warm heat of the classroom.

That lunch, I sat down in my usual place behind the wall, expectedly but nervously waiting for Akari. As expected, Akari showed up, looking cheery as ever.

“Hi Hina!”

She waved energetically.

“H-hi Akari…”

I still could not look directly at her face for more than a few seconds without becoming a flustered mess.

“I’m so glad you let me eat with you Hina!”

“Y-yeah…y-you sure you don’t want to eat with your friends?”

“Nah! I’m very happy where I am!”

She started a merry tune and sat down next to me and unwrapped her lunchbox. With a simple phrase of gratitude, she picked up her chopsticks and started eating. She’s even eating like a queen…her movements and chewing so graceful and delicate… so ladylike…and even her drinking that melon soda…

W-wait. Melon soda???

I suddenly turned dumbfounded as I looked at the can Akari was clutching. Sure enough, it was the exact one I had given her yesterday. She couldn’t have gotten it anywhere else… I picked a special edition can only be available in my area… so why…

“A-Akari?”

“Mm?”

She responded, her voice muffled with food

“Is that … the melon soda I gave you yesterday?”

Akari suddenly froze and then coughed on her food. Her cheeks seemed to slowly tint with a rosy red, and she seemed to be a bit… flustered?

“N-no!”

She stammered. She quickly tucked the can behind her and gave a nervous chuckle.

“Y-you must’ve seen wrong!”

“R-right… I guess I did… my bad.”

“N-no worries!”

She quickly turned her back to me, and seemed to be muttering something to herself, before talking a while to recompose and straighten herself back up. She breathed a heavy exhale.

What the hell was that all about? I thought to myself.

Over the next few days, I had grown more accustomed to eating lunch with Akari, although she did a lot of talking, and I barely gave any answers, I still liked having around for some strange reason. Every day, I would catch myself strangely actually anticipating lunch.

“Hina.”

“H-huh? Yeah?”

We were both sitting at the bench behind the wall. It was now early winter, so the temperature outside was even more chilly. The once cozy and warm wooden benches were now bone cold, and the patches of grass and foliage in front of us had faded into a dull brown. Most of the leaves had already fallen off the tree, scattered all over the floor like a brownish-red sea. Both of us were wrapped up in our winter uniforms. Akari was wrapped in a light brown scarf, the fabric covering the entirety of her neck, while I was wearing a soft pastel pink scarf.

“Your scarf…”

“W-what about it?”

I dreaded what she was going to say next. It was a hand me down from my sister, and I personally thought it was way too childish for a person my age. Akari must’ve thought the same. I braced myself for the incoming insult.

“It’s cute.”

She said innocently and simply.

“H-huh?”

“I said your scarf is cute.”

“O-oh… thanks.”

I turned away from her and desperately tried to regather my thoughts. S-she said my scarf was cute. Was she teasing me? Was that a backhanded compliment on how childish I looked? Y-yea…That must be it. Right?

Akari continued to stare at me with her innocent gaze, which only served to further fluster me.

“Let’s go shopping.”

“Huh?”

“Cmon. Let’s go shopping.”

My sister repeated, a tone of both amusement and finality. She stood with her arms crossed, her long, flowing hair draping over her shoulders and back. She was clad in a cozy, oversized hoodie which was coloured a soft pastel purple, and thick pyjama pants. Her foot tapped irritably on the floor, obviously annoyed by my answer.

“I said, let’s go shopping.”

She repeated, her tone more demanding this time. I was lying on the couch, mindlessly scrolling my phone. I looked away and up at her, my expression unconcerned

“No.”

“What? Why…Cmon… You always stay at home. You gotta go out some days…”

“I said no. You know I don’t even like that stuff.”

“Yeah”

She scoffed.

“You would rather laze around all day, doing nothing at home huh?”

She said, obviously trying to rile me up.

“Yea.”

“W-what?”

My sister was taken aback by my nonchalant response. In all honestly, I couldn’t really argue with her. She knew I hated shopping. She knew I hated going out. I absolute despised it. Seeing other people my age who actually had friends, chatting and laughing away without a care in the world. I would much rather stay at home and do nothing. At least at home I won’t be reminded of how lonely I am.

“Cmon…please…”

My sister’s original tone of voice turned straight into one of pleading.

“No. I said no.”

“Hmpf. Fine. I guess you want me to tell mom about how you’ve been lying to her about going to a club after school every day, when in reality you’re hanging out with your friends?”

“H-huh?”

That comment caught me off guard. It took several seconds for it to sink in. I suddenly jolted up, the words finally processing in my mind. No, no. that would be bad. If Hana told mom about how I’ve been lying behind her back… she’ll get really mad at me… and even worse… they might even find the real reason I’ve been coming home so late – to avoid Akari. I sighed a defeated exhale and dropped my head down in guilt.

“F-fine. You win.”

“Yay!”

My sister’s vulnerable and pleading expression immediately contorted into one of ecstasy and satisfaction.

“Good. I knew you’ll come around.”

Her usual smug smile slowly spread across her face.

“Let’s have a girl’s night out! Just us two! Sister to sister bonding!”

“Sure… whatever.”

“So, it’s settled! After school, tomorrow?”

“Fine.”

Pleased, my sister spun around and happily skipped to her room, humming a merry tune.

“W-wait! Where?”

“Hmm? Shibuya of course!”

Fuck.

I exhaled nervously as I stood in front of the train station, waiting for my sister. I never really paid attention to the hustle and bustle of Shibuya, as I was too focused on getting home normally, but standing here and taking it all in, I could see why it was deservedly named the heart of Tokyo. It was a chilly winter afternoon, but snow was yet to come, and the sky had not darkened yet. The neon signs and streetlights had not been turned on yet, but the seas of moving people made it seem just as alive as it was at nighttime. I sighed again as I looked at the hordes of people moving around me, their conversations and laughter filling the air. I could see a lot of girls my age hanging out after school. trying food, buying keychains, etc. I dropped my head down in embarrassment. The sheer size and vibe of Shibuya only amplified how alone I was.

I fidgeted nervously as I waited for my sister to arrive. I was still wearing my school uniform, with the pink scarf which Akari had complimented fit snugly around my neck. Hordes of students, office workers, until finally.

“Hana!”

I called out to her. My sister swivelled her head around energetically, and our eyes met. She quickly walked to where I was, squishing through the crowds of people.

“Hiya Hina~! You excited?”

“Not really…”

I muttered.

“Aw c’mon, don’t be like that…you know your big sis has been looking forward to this all day!”

“Hmpf. Fine…”

“Yay! Let’s go!”

I raised my head and scanned over my sister’s outfit. She normally wore boyish clothes, so I guess you can consider her a tomboy. She was dressed in an oversized white hoodie, baggy black jeans, and black boots. A black fanny pack was strapped around her. She had also tied her hair up into a ponytail.

“Couldn’t you have worn something cuter…”

“This is how I normally dress! You know that!’

“I know… but still…”

“Still what?”

“You look scary in those clothes… like you’re a delinquent or something…”

“Funny. You sound just like mom right now.”

She reached her hand out to me, and I reluctantly accepted it. We walked through the streets, with me clutching her arm for dear life, in fear that I would be consumed by the crowd of people. We walked through the streets of Shibuya, passing the various stores, pharmacies, and restaurants. Polished, futuristic buildings gleamed in the remaining rays of the afternoon sun. The loud sound of bars and shops setting up their tables and chairs and preparing for their opening at night could be heard in the air. Street performers and recruiters stood on the streets, desperate for attention from any busy passerby.

“Hey, hey, don’t you think that guy’s hot?”

I looked over to who Hana was pointing at. The end of her finger was pinpointing a tall man, with a prominent nose and jawline, big eyes, and a messy, wavy black fringe. He looked quite well built, and was wearing an overcoat over his office clothes.

“Not really.”

“Huh?”

My sister was suddenly confused.

“Really? You sure?”

I shrugged, unconcerned.

“Yea, honestly never liked those types of guys.”

We continued to walk until we arrived at a department store. Seibu Shibuya. The biggest, trendiest, and most popular department store in Tokyo.

“D-don’t tell me…”

“Yep!”

Hana said enthusiastically.

“We’re going in here!”

“No! Please! Anywhere but here!”

“Nope. Too bad. We’re going.”

With a swift and strong tug, she reluctantly dragged me into the building.

I ducked my head shyly as we walked through the rows of trendy stores and cafes, holding tightly onto my sister’s arm. Trendy and hip clothing stores were situated right next to polished and refined designer brands. Restaurants, cafes, and souvenir stores were scattered all around the building. The sound of constant chatter and the crushing feeling of the hordes seemed only to be amplified in here.

“Where are we going…”

“You’ll see!”

She led me inside a cute and bright looking store.

“What the hell are we doing here… you don’t even wear these clothes.”

“Oh. But it’s for you~”

I gulped as I took in my surroundings. The exterior of the store was painted a vibrant pink, with its logo displayed in bright, bubbly letters. The walls of the interior were painted the same pink, and an idol song could be heard in the background, played through a tiny speaker. The store was filled with soft and pastel-coloured shirts, hoodies, bags, necklaces, etc. and was illuminate by a soft glowing white light. The constant murmurs and giggles of teenage girls echoed through the room. Hana walked in and started inspecting the clothes, while I tried my best to stay out of everyone’s way. She came a short while back, holding a cute and pink dress.

“Ha… don’t tell me”

“Yep! You try it on!”

“No.”

“Want me to tell mom~?”

“F-fine.”

I reluctantly snatched the dress out of her hands and went into the changing rooms, sliding the curtain shut. I sighed and slowly began unbuttoning my uniform and slipped on the dress. I slid back the curtain again and nervously stepped out, fidgeting and anxious.

“H-how does it look?”

“Cute. Really cute.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. Now you’ll definitely get that guy to like you.”

Definitely get that guy to like me huh… my mind began losing itself in thoughts of Akari complimenting my dress… calling me cute…then holding me… and then… kiss-

“Hina?”

I was suddenly snapped back by my sister’s sharp voice.

“You look really red right now… don’t tell me.”

She flashed her usual mischievous grin.

“You really did want to impress a guy?”

My cheeks started to tint with a rosy red, both at her comments and my thoughts before on Akari.

“N-no! Of course not!”

“Mhm. Sure”

“Shut up!”

In the end, I bought the dress.

Hana pulled my arm again and then led me to a cozy jewellery store. This store was much more refined than our previous one, with a cool white coating all the walls and ceiling. The brand’s name was printed in a bold gothic font, and the room was illuminated by strong and bright white lights. Racks and rows of rings, earrings, bracelets, necklaces and more stood in neatly organised rows, gleaming in the rays of light. Hana then went off into the store and started scrutinizing the jewellery. I watched her as she tried on various accessories, before deciding with a few rings and necklaces.

“Those look really boyish.”

“I know! And I like them!”

She grinned.

“Where are going next?”

“The swimsuit store!”

“WHAT???”

Hana had to forcefully drag me into the swimsuit store. The store had a bubbly and bright vibe and was coloured by soft pastels. Rows of swimsuits of all sizes and designs hung from the walls and wooden racks. Hana continued to drag me in, determined. I begrudgingly complied, and I nervously stepped into the store with her. I immediately looked around and saw that there were many girls my age, excitedly looking over and holding up swimsuits to their friends. I breathed a shaky exhale.

These popular sluts… all they care about is showing skin. The only thing on their mind is probably boys. I thought to myself, and I glared at them with a vicious look. All they probably care about is showing off their ass and boobs… how shameless… and why do their breasts grow so quickly and big, while mine are still flat as a board…

“Hina! Pick out something you like!”

I was snapped out of my hateful trance.

“W-wha huh?”

“I said, pick something you like!”

“I-I don’t have anything I like! You know I’m flat!”

“Well… you can still browse around! Plus, you’re still growing!”

“F-fine…”

I unwillingly leafed and looked through the various racks of swimsuits that hung before me. Colourful and frilly, some were certainly more… modest… than others. I picked up a pink frilly one and held it up. My mind began to race with thoughts again.

W-what would it look like if Akari was wearing this? N-no… why the hell am I thinking about her in that way??? She’s a fellow girl for crying out loud! B-but still… i-it would be nice to see her in this… I imagined her toned body, her soft and supple breasts, her curvy body and legs, clad in this swimsuit. Lying there on the floor, so helpless

A-ah… no… d-don’t touch there Hina~ I’m sensitive~

“Hina?”

“Y-yes!”

I jolted back to reality, and looked over to my sister, whose face had leaned in close so that it was only a few inches away from mine. I felt a familiar heat rise to my cheeks.

“You were thinking about something naughty weren’t you~”

“S-shut up!”

We eventually found a place to stand after getting tapioca. I shyly sipped my drink through the straw.

“So… how was today?”

“N-not bad…”

“See. I knew you would enjoy it.”

Hana said triumphantly. In all honesty, it wasn’t that bad. It was just an afternoon of shopping with my sister. At least its better than what its like at school –

“Isn’t that her?”

Urk. My breath hitched and my body suddenly froze as I heard the voices of two girls from my class

“Oh wow… it really is! Haha. She really is a loner, hanging out by herself!”

“I know right! I wouldn’t be caught dead doing that!”

“Hey, isn’t this the girl Akari’s trying to get close to?”

“Yea! And I don’t see why at all! She’s a fucking lonely loser!”

I gritted my teeth and clutched the plastic cup in my hands harder. I stood with my head down, allowing their rain of insults to fall on me. That’s right. I was too happy for a moment… I had to be put in my place… that I’m nothing but a loner. It must’ve been such a pathetic sight. Seeing a teenage girl out here all by herself…

My sister suddenly stepped towards them.

“What the hell did you fuckers say?”

My sister towered over the two girls, her aura menacing and intimidating. The two girls’ tone of mockery had suddenly shrunk down to one of fear as they looked up at my sister. Hana glared at them, her eyes narrowing. The two girls continued to shake, one clutching their book bag while the other swallowed hard, both looking up timidly at my sister, an expression of fear painted over both their faces.

“I said. What the hell did you two say.”

“N-nothing! I swear!”

“Y-yeah! Nothing!”

“Oh really…”

“Y-yeah!”

Hana suddenly leaned in closer to them both, causing them to cower in fear.

“If you say that shit ever again… I’ll fucking kill you”

My sister said in a sharp and harsh whisper.

“Y-yes…”

The two girls then bowed and apologized and scurried quickly out of sight. I breathed a sigh of relief as my sister came back to my side.

“Are you alright Hina?”

I didn’t respond. Instead, I stared down at my feet, my head dropped in shame. I then suddenly wrapped my arms around Hana, who was a bit taken aback at first and stumbled back but quickly regained her footing and embraced me back tighter. As I felt the tears start to blur my vision and threaten to roll down my cheeks, Hana petted me softly and gently.

“There, there. Big sis is here.”

“Hina…”

“W-what is it?”

I was sitting at my usual lunch spot with Akari again. It had almost become routine for us to eat lunch together, in this secluded area away from everyone. It was now pretty far into winter, so the weather outside was much chillier. The grass in front of us was covered in a thin layer frost, the ice glistening in the mid-day sun like diamonds. The trees had lost all their leaves and were skeletons of what they used to be, their shapes black and grotesque. I had just taken a bite of my lunch when suddenly Akari asked,

“Y-you’re not in any gangs or anything… right?”

I sputtered and coughed, confused.

“W-what??? O-of course not! Where the hell did you get that from?”

Akari looked down, her eyes dejected yet hopeful. She looked back up at me again, our eyes meeting.

“I-its just that… s-some of my friends told me you were hanging out with a really scary guy…”

“Huh? W-when…”

“L-last Thursday…”

“Last Thursday?”

I thought back to last Thursday… what was I doing last Thursday… oh that’s right… I was shopping with my sister. And then Akari’s friends… started insulting me… and my sister… Oh. Oh god. Akari thinks my sister is a delinquent.

“I-I wasn’t! I swear!”

“A-Are you sure?!”

“Y-yes!”

I nodded vigorously.

“A-alright…just don’t get involved with those types of people, ok? I-I really don’t want you to get hurt”

“Yeah. I know. You don’t have to tell me twice.”

Over the next few days, I had grown quite accustomed to Akari being around me a lot. During class, she would often wave or smile at me, and sometimes even try to talk with me. During lunch, we would sit together, and chat and laugh. She seemed to be getting closer and closer to me by each passing moment, but I still didn’t understand why. I was confused. Sceptical. Would a popular girl like her really want to be friends with a loser like me? Akari was different… she wasn’t like the other popular kids… she didn’t think she was higher than anyone else and respected everyone. She was kind, warm, caring, even to people like me. But why? Was this just some long pulled out prank, to see how long she could tease me before I noticed? Was this just some joke, trying to see how the loser would react talking to the popular girl for the first time in her life? But… I didn’t hate it when she got closer to me, be it fake or not. I felt a strange sense of… comfort whenever I talked and laughed with her. I’ve… never felt this feeling before. And I was hoping. Maybe. Just maybe we could be friends.

“Hina?”

“Mphf!”

Akari snapped me out of my thoughts. I must’ve zoned out again. I hadn’t noticed that her face was only mere inches from mine, painted with a face of concern. Her delicate hands were propping her up, and her graceful hair flowed down silky over her shoulders and face. I felt a heat rise up to my face.

“I-I’m fine!”

I suddenly pulled back, and placed my hand on my chest, trying to catch my breath. Akari just stared at me with the same worried expression. I took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself.

“You sure?”

“Y-yeah! I’m sure!”

“Were you even listening to a word I was saying…”

“U-uh… n-no… sorry.”

Akari pouted cutely and let out an exasperated sigh. She pulled back her arms and folded them across her chest, acting and looking like a pouting child.

“As I was saying…”

She continued in an annoyed tone.

“I’ve been starting to learn how to give massages to my grandparents!”

She announced proudly, while patting her flexed arm.

“H-huh…”

“A-and I was wondering… i-if I could practice on you… Hina?”

“H-huh???”

It took a moment for her words to sink in. I put my hands to my face as I felt my blush appearing again.

“W-what???”

“P-please Hina… I-I just want to practice on you…”

She looked at me with pleading puppy eyes. Practice… massaging… on me? W-what type of massage is she referring to? C-certainly not those… dirty ones, right? Y-yeah! T-there’s nothing wrong! S-she just wants to practice her massage techniques for her grandparents!

“U-um… sure.”

Her pleading expression instantly turned into one of joy and satisfaction.

“Yay! Thanks, Hina!”

“N-no problem…”

“Now, just lay down.”

I obediently laid down on the cold bench on my stomach and nervously anticipated the massage. I had laid face down, so I could not see anything other than the floor and the bottom of the bench. I then felt soft but firm hands grab onto me back.

“H-hyah!”

Akari pulled back.

“A-are you ok???”

“Y-yea… I’m fine…”

“Ok. Tell me when it gets uncomfortable.”

I nodded meekly. I then laid down again, and started feeling Akari’s soft, trained hands massage my back. It felt… really nice actually. Really soothing and calming. As I laid there, engrossed in my dream-like trance of pleasure, I suddenly heard panting.

“A-Akari… are you ok?”

“Y-yea… I-I’m fine…”

She panted thirstily. She continued to caress and relieve my back. I could hear her breathing grow more rapid and louder.

“W-what a cute little body… I-I need to massage it all…”

“W-wha huh?”

I suddenly looked back at Akari, who looked at my back with lusty eyes. Her breathing only grew heavier.

“S-such a cute body… I-I’ll take care of it all…”

She traced her hands softly down my back… to my ass???

“D-don’t worry Hina… I-I’ll massage it all for you…”

I suddenly flipped my whole body around, which startled Akari. I looked back at her with a shocked and flustered expression.

“W-wha…”

Akari seemed to snap out of her trance, and her thirsty expression was suddenly replaced by one of guilt and shame.

“S-sorry!!! I-I didn’t mean to…”

“I-its fine… j-just… really unexpected…”

I looked away from her to hide my rising blush.

“I-I’m really sorry! I-I’ll never do that again!”

“Y-yeah… I-I think that’s for the best…”

We then sat there in silence, the two of us both sitting up straight and not muttering a word to each other. It was… really embarrassing to say the least. We were having more of these embarrassing moments and conversations everyday…

“I-I’m really sorry!!!”

“H-huh? O-oh yeah… n-no its fine…”

But deep down and I didn’t want to admit it, but a small part of me didn’t mind. It felt like we were getting closer each passing moment. Sure, it was tiny. But bit by bit, I felt like we were getting closer.

I had finally decided to not leave school late one day. I didn’t really mind if Akari caught me and forced me to walk home with her. In fact, deep down, I was kind of hoping she would. As I packed up my stuff with the rest of the class, my pencils, pens, textbooks, I zipped up my book bag and walked out of the classroom. I-it wasn’t like I was waiting for her company or anything… but I decided to search the school for her… just a little.

I walked through the empty hallways and passed the deserted classrooms. My shoes squeaked against the shiny, wooden floor, echoing in the silence. The walls of the hallway were painted a dull white, and fluorescent lights buzzed softly from the ceiling. Grey and sleek lockers lined one side, and above glass windows which were filtering in the last rays left of the afternoon sun. the other side was all the empty classrooms and the green bulletin boards which hung in front of them, each plastered with a different event or club application. I heard some chattering coming from a class down the hallway. I slowly and cautiously paced myself there, hiding behind a wall. I peeked inside. There was Akari, talking with two other girls. The two girls were both sitting on a desk each, while Akari on a chair, with condescending looks plastered on their faces. I was about to reach out and call for Akari when suddenly –

“Why the hell do you hang out with that loser so much?”

One girl snapped, her tone clearly irritated.

“Yeah. It seems like the only thing you do now is try to spend as much time with that loser Hina.”

The other retorted.

“She’s a fucking loser. I really don’t get you sometimes, Akari”

“Yeah, people like her are meant to be alone. It’ll fuck up your image.”

Akari just sat there, with her face down in shame.

“Please tell me this is just one big fucking joke.”

As soon as I heard that line, I froze. It seemed as if all time stopped, and my breath hitched. A-a joke… S-so I was right this whole time. I-I’ve been so stupid. T-there was no chance a popular girl like her would ever want to be friends with me… I-I know my place… I’m a pathetic, lonely, loser. I crouched down slowly and cupped my face, trying to wipe away my tears and muffle my sobs. B-but still… I-I wish… even for a moment… W-we were real friends…

The rest of the commute home was nothing but a blur. The usually high and upbeat vibe of Shibuya had now seemed to be enveloped in a dark, depressive cloud. Tears blurred my vision as I frantically walked through the streets. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I was such a fucking idiot. I fell for that way too easily. Of course, there would be no reason for a girl like her to talk to me. I’m so dumb. I’m so fucking dumb. They’re right. I’m just a pathetic lonely loser. I continued rushing through the streets. My throat felt like it was tightening, like a hand had come to choke me. I started breathing in ragged gasps, as I felt like my lungs were collapsing. Tears continued streaming down my face and the sobbing continued, barely being hidden and muffled by my hands which cupped my face. I let out a strangled cough as I continued to hurry back.

I really thought we had something. But it makes sense. It was definitely all a big prank. A big joke, so see how the loser would react to a popular girl talking to her for the first time. B-but still… if she tricked me… why do I still want to be friends with her so badly?

I slammed open the door, which startled both my sister and mom.

“W-woah… have you been crying???”

My sister looked shocked, while my mother wore an expression of worry.

“S-sweetie… what happen-”

“I-I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Hina, stop being a baby…”

“I SAID I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT!”

They both cowered a little, surprised by my sudden outburst. I slammed close the door, hurriedly put on my slippers, and huffed upstairs to my room.

The next day, the commute to school was equally grey and depressing. I slowly paced through the empty and cold winter streets. It was cold. Really cold. It had just started snowing, so I was wrapped tightly in a coat, scarf and thick boots. I continued to trek through the frost covered concrete path my mind elsewhere. It had just snowed last night, so every roof and object outside was covered in a white layer of pearly, glistening snow. The occasional beep of a minivan could be heard in the otherwise uncomfortable silence.

It was snowing this morning as well, albeit very lightly. The small white flakes fell from the sky gracefully and angelically, the sun reflecting off them, like tiny diamonds glistening in the air. I continued to trek until I reached the station. I took the train, got off at Shibuya, and stepped out. It was my first time seeing Shibuya in the snow.

Everything was coated in a fluffy white layer, and the cold weather seemed to have tamed the city somehow. There were much less people this morning, and all the bright neon lights seemed to have been muffled by the snow. The sound of conversation and chatter also seemed more sprase. Seeing Shibuya this cold and empty for the first time only amplified how lonely and shit I felt. I continued the walk to school.

“Heya~!”

I heard Akari’s cheerful voice cut through the silence, and the crunching of snow as her footsteps came closer.

“I finally get to see you before school! You always got up so early, so I was sad I couldn’t see you… but I can now!”

I don’t know. Maybe it was the weather, my thoughts, my loneliness, maybe it was all of them. I brushed Akari off and pretended like I didn’t hear her.

“Aw~ why are you ignoring me~?”

She said in the same sing-song voice as before.

“Shut up.”

I said in a low growl.

“H-huh?”

“I said. Shut the fuck up. I get it. I’m a loser. I’m easy to pick on. But please. Can You just leave me the fuck alone.”

“H-Hina… W-what are you…”

“I’m not dumb ok! I know your just doing this to have a good laugh! I know you’re doing this because you like bullying losers like me!”

“H-Hina… T-that’s not…”

“JUST SHUT UP OK!”

I then turned around and ran as fast as I could, leaving Akari all by herself in the snow.

School that day seemed to be going faster than usual. Instead of my mind being clouded with thoughts… it was now… empty. For the first time in forever, I felt like I was truly lost, truly alone in this world.

I didn’t come go to my usual lunch spot, and I also avoided Akari as much as possible. I even waited a bit after school to leave like before. I grabbed my book bag and walked through the empty hallways. The sound of my footsteps echoed in the silence. Then. I heard another pair of footsteps. I braced and slowly turned around. It was Akari.

“W-what the hell do you want”

“H-Hina… I-I would never…”

“Just shut up ok. I’m tired of you. I’m leaving.”

I swiftly turned around to walk away, but I was stopped by the sound of sniffling and quiet, muffled sobbing. Yeah. She’s probably sad that she needs to find a new loser to toy with. She’s evil. Just like the rest of them. I said as I slowly swivelled around.

But what I saw was the complete opposite. There was no more of the bright, bubbly, cheerful Akari I usually knew. Instead, it was a lost, vulnerable girl, bawling her eyes out. The tears dropped from her eyes and onto her sleeves and uniform as she tried to wipe them off. It that moment, there was no ‘popular girl’ Akari. It was just a poor, tender, and lost girl.

Ah… That’s right… I knew deep down didn’t I. Akari wasn’t like the rest of them. She truly was just a nice girl who cared for and wanted to be friends with me… she’s just as lost as I am… just as alone as I am…

“I-I’m sorry Akari… I-I didn’t mean to-”

I was cut off by Akari’s sudden embrace. She jumped onto me and hugged me tightly, as if I was going to escape the moment she loosened her grip. I slowly wrapped my arms around her, and in that moment, all that could be heard was the quiet sobbing and breathing of a lonely girl. I could feel her hot breath on me, her tears dampening my uniform. She looked at my face, her eyes red and puffy.

“P-please don’t hate me…”

“I won’t.”

“P-promise to be friends?”

“Yeah. Promise.”