ボクと大地（Myself and the Earth）

作者：大山いづみ

はじめまして大山いづみです。

２０１２年１０月に「ボクと大地」を自費出版いたします。

２０１１年３月１１日の東日本大震災で私の住む福島は被災しました。

とくにここ福島は、東京電力福島第一原発事故の影響もあり、復興が

まったく進まない地域があります。

私は３人の子供たちの母ですが、子供達の未来をとても心配に思います。

世界中の一人でも多くの人に考えてほしくて「ボクと大地」の出版を前に、

英文に翻訳した作品を公開いたします。

詳しくは「大山いづみ詩小説の部屋」公式サイトを検索してください。

Myself and the Earth（ボクと大地英語版）

Writer:Izumi Ohyama

One of the stars that is in the space far away

Once the star used to be prosperous, it was going to die out,now

This is the talk that I am living in the star

I am alone now inside the Earth

I live with my father, but have seldom seen his face

I speak with my father in a vision

Are you well? Is there anything you want to ask?

My father is working at terrestrial research institute on the earth

Boredom everyday, days without work

In other day I was bored so I went to my father

I rode a capsule up to the surface

At that time my body becomes hot

My pulse quickens

There are many interesting in my father’s working place

Earth seen from space

Solar flares

Each cross section is always depicted

Then nothing but darkness

The sound of space

In my heart my feelings are trembling

This is an emotion I don’t need

I was often told my father

But this stillness

I think it is only for me

Because this is a time requiring no thought

It is a little uninteresting for me

The data from the past discovered here

I will not release the mind in my ear

And then・・・

Steadily falling in

An excited heart with the feeling of

Something that should not be seen

My heart leaps when seeing old acquaintances

This is the feeling unfelt until now

My thought were not provoked as such until now

There has not been such a thing

To excite me and make my blood boil

And I always wondered

For what purpose was born?

Where am I headed?

Occasionally in dreams my heart is moved

And I wonder

But when I just think my reason for living

I lose track of myself

At those times I always look at past data

It is an enjoyable time when I come here

It is happiness

My father’s research is filled with unknowns

But there are things I have learned

We have not returned here for a while

When was it that I ran into my father?

Was it on my birthday?

Five or six generations earlier there was a man

Who became known、

I will never forget my father’s expression・・・

It was the first time I saw him sad

I wanted to know why that was

Were they his true feelings?

Questions came one after another

I don’t want to leave here

In my world I cannot go outside

Unforgivable

I can only move about within this shelter

The outside air is hazardous

No work, research, or outdoor activity

From one shelter to another・・・

Well, it does not happen often

Anyway, The population became less than ten thousand

In this time

Going outside is impossible, but looking outside possible

However, there is nothing to see

There is no scenery to speak of

When compared to the past

Yes, this place is empty

Once flourishing cities turn to rubble　

Water was abundant and sunlight showered down on green foliage

Radiant mountains laid bare

Seas teaming with fish

Now there is nothing to see・・・but according to my father

An uncontrollable inferno was created and released

This world is the result

I want to know

Why are the many buildings

So rotted away?

Why are we unable to venture outside?

Why must we make our own air to live?

Why unlike previous generations,

Do we not have strong bodies?

Why does our future look grim?

I want to know badly　

And

I want to know the reason that our bodies

Have enveloped so much from previous generations

Apparently it seems to me that our suffering caused the past time

I do not know whether past generations had fear or hesitation

Because of their continued growth

The level of danger

Got higher and higher

And while no one paid attention

A squirming

True fear

Was witness was us

And we stay behind from the disasters

In spite of saying serious mistakes were happened

Leave the matter unsettled

The same mistake made again and again

On the earth’s surface all living things

Refused to take a step to the future

Yes, only the people who have that part

Only those with shelter can survive

My father taught me that there is a present

Nobody knows what happened or what wrong

Other a lot of people

I do not eat the food of past generation

Once a week I put a centimeter of food in my mouth

Of cause in data,

Taste and even meaning, are nothing

Despite that I can live

Food on the surface of the earth has disappeared

Repetition is necessary in order to live

Possibly it is evolution

It is mystery

Whenever I look outside I think about how do not even know laughter

Like my previous data

A lot of trees

Animals

Birds

Flowers

I want to touch them, put them in my hands

I am consumed with thought

The past was broken, this earth

Can no longer be fixed

Why is there nothing now?

Why is this earth about to end?

It is useless to think about it

One time I was hit my father

When I was about to leave the shelter

I was young and acting without thinking

My father was probably worried

Now I understand his actions

But the time, I was afraid it was difficult situation

You will die , if you go outside, ・・・you disappear

And, ”I want see mother”

I innocently said, tilting my head

At that moment the color of my father’s eyes changed

A dark purple

A deep shade

With no light

I do not think I can express that true darkness

I do not want to ever see those eyes again

As if he understood, truly

As if there was nowhere to go

So deep,and

A cold color

My mind and body frozen, shaking with that coldness

Then I wet myself

But how did this world become this way?

I wish I could go to the past and tell them

If you do not think through your actions now

Everyone will be gone

I want to tell them

When I think about that I fall asleep before realizing it

How much was undergone I wonder?

My father always focused on work

I will return under ground

I want to grow up Quickly and help my father

To be able to save the Earth・・・

I work every day

My father and I by our selves

Living

That is normal

Until that time

Did past generations think abut,

Worry about,

The world future? ・・・

Could past generations not hear

The Earth’s cries

Tt’s pain

Did they not know anything?

What were they seeking?

I want to know what they wanted?

And that is why

I have no choice but to go

To past

And tell them

The reason for giving

Because I wanted to know I have spoken with my father many times,

Then decided

I will leave this capsule

My father might worry, nothing to tell me

He was only just looking at me

With shaking hands I hide the fear

I have never left this place

But I will pass through time and travel to the past

I suspect it will be fantastical experience

But no matter what I want to go

Meeting the people of the past

Has mix of pleasure, anticipation, and fear

A nonsensical situation

I worry that my words will not come out

My friends came to see me off

My father seemed sad and looked with eyes like before

At me

Without thin king I looked at the ground

I forced him

To look at me eyes never wanting t see me again

I am sorry

I am weak to those eyes

Then going forth to the past

I arrived in less than give minutes

Doubting my own eyes

Un like looking data

Far more beautiful

A world like I had never seen before

My heart skipped a beat and came to my eyes

I am afraid that the beat of my heart sometimes will stop

I took a deep breath

The beauty will break my heart・・・

The earth is beautiful, but not to be compared with those one

That the land wrapped with the green ・・・

Dazzling and brightly the water side

The flowing dance of light and wind

Brimming with smiling face

Power to give birth to the world

The light of a billion stars

I want t show my father this、

The anxiousness of before, somewhere

A grandness that scatters fear before

This Earth gently wraps me

It hold me

Floating in a dazed fascination

However・・・

If people here knew I had come

I would become a large problem

I am from the same earth 、

But my appearance

It not the same

If what my father told me

It not managed carefully, I will not be able to return

To the people of the past

I would not appear to be from the future

But somehow the people f this time

Must be shown, the danger and peril

That they are facing

Or would be better to say

I wonder

That I pope they understand

Perhaps they will trust another person like them

In any case, I must tell them

There are things they must do

And I will tell them

Please, answer me

Listen

And・・・

Save

This beautiful world

This source of ｌife

If it goes away

It cannot return

Never　

Never again

Will it rise

Please

Help

This beautiful earth, fr our sake save it

But there was no answer

Perhaps our two worlds are too different

No realization

No arrival

My cries

The cries of this earth, unheard

To the people of this moment

I cannot communicate

That feeling is seen in glimpses

My quiet and calm

Heart

Has grown heavy

My heart fells as if it will leap from my chest

I do not know if I can stand it

Well・・・

Normally calm, I am mattering

A request, a passionate thought

Quickening

I began to notice

Things that sometimes return to me

Are unsalvageable

Is this what it means to be an adult?・・

If it is

I wish I had remained a child

When I see something frightening I want t know

My innocent play is precious

Then beloved myself

Why is that, father?

How abut you?

To become an adult you took in various information？

Unlike me, you had no heavy burdens?

You were lonely or needed anyone

By your side every time?

You did not want to warmth?

Please tell me,　father.　Do you think my feelings are abnormal?　

Is my heart weak? My thoughts uncertain?

Please tell me, father

Unknown emotion are planted and sad

Various emotions are playing in my heart and

Surrounding my body

Then

I must re think

What should I do going forward

Thinking this and,

Having experienced many things

I am exhausted, and so I sleep

It is comfortable time in my dreams

I become intoxited

A wide glassland

A wind blowing, waving

Very beautifully

As if I cold see its movement

Waving with the wind

As if someone

A comforting, wonderful wind

Even a melody can almost be heard

A woman comfortably, is there,

With smiling happily face

And strong voice, facing the Earth

She sings

It was as if the woman and the Earth

Were unified as one, and the Earth was content

It was a beautiful dream ・・・My heart was healed

It was a treatment and very comforting

Perhaps what I am seeking

Is that

Now, that is what I think

However, this sun is tender, and

It serenely engulfs everything on the Earth in its embrace

I do not think my heart will be released

Grains of golden light

With silver puffs of wind collaborating together

They easily　slip into my heart

The thought up until now gently hold me without letting go

Despite this beautiful space being filled

I wonder why

People’s hearts are not be befuddled by this beauty

As if possessed

Are they searching for something else?

It does not seem that way

Those people

What do they feel

What do they see

What d they heading toward?

I do not know

Busily running around. Thinking it is fight, I laugh

Thinking that, I cry

You people of the past

Despite appearing happy

To the people of the past

Burning under the sun

Living in the darkness of the Earth

This body is made that way

The height of a small child

A head many times larger than these people

With no power, even this air, does not exist in the future

Just waiting for the end despite trying so hard

There is no time

But,

Coming to the past I did not think

I could change things

A present that must be accepted

I knew tat, but

I am glad came

More than anything

The reason I was born

I think I know why

My mother

What I really wanted to do was this

What I was searching for was this

You once loved ・・・this landscape

The whisper of the trees

The sings of the birds

The children of grains of light filling the sky

Flipping

Insects playing their instraments

The laughter of the animals

These are carried equally by the children of the silver wind

While playing this song with the people on the Earth

You all came by, and with loud voice

Sung

All your music in welcome

In tune with the song of the Earth

At first singing alone in the grassland

By really it was with everyone

I love that about you

I have wanted to see you

Thank you, you gave splendid　dream

You always live in my mind

The blood stream in my body, is inherited

The feeling, isn’t it

Ah!

Why did I draw into the past the Earth

I am glad know that

Treason that tame man who do not think about the future

That is why you are loving this Earth for a long time

You want to tell us

And that is the fact through me

I think I am happy I know that

I do not afraid any more

Then, where the place father lives

I am going home・・・I　・・・

Thank you, I d not forget you, past the Earth

Our fate　too disappear, but with coming here

I feel glad

I give thanks to the mother earth

Thank you mother

Good earth of the past

Perhaps by coming here

A miracle might happen for my world

この本を書くきっかけは　三重の息子の所に行く途中

The beginning that I write this book, on the way to my son who is now living

新幹線の中で生まれたのです

In Mie, in Shinkansen for Mie.

福島から　三重まで行く時間はとても長く　

It took very long from Fukushima to Mie

その長い時間　娘と会話しながらの時間は

The long talking time with my daughter,

時折　安らぎを覚える時間でもありました

Sometimes it was the piece on mind

外の風景を眺めながら　

While looking at outside

同じ山々の緑なのに

The same green that however we look every time

なんだかとっても違う緑に見えました

They look like different sight

福島の山の緑とは違うのです

They look like different green of mountains in Fukushima

とっても哀しくなってしまいました

I was very sad

同じ日本なのに　こんなに違うのだろうか

Why the green of the mountains are seeing things different

そう思いながら　子供の頃を思い出していました

I remembered the childhood

あの頃の　山の緑もこんなだったなーなんて

In old days also, the mountains were so green

思いをはせていたのです

I am deep in thought

私は凄い田舎で生まれ　育ちましたが

I was born in the deep country

自然がいっぱいのところで　毎日見る夕焼けは一度として

The natural things around us the evening glow that I could see

同じものが無い事も　不思議だなって子供の頃から　思っていました

Every day cannot be seen the same, That is one of the wonder phenomenon

花と語らい　小鳥たちと遊び　

Talking with the flowers, playing with the birds

緑の大地を裸足で走り回っていた子供の頃を　回想していました。

I reminisced　about my childhood running barefoot on the green on theearth.

あのキラキラした　緑の木々たちに包まれながら

With wrapped the bright green

時折放つ小鳥たちの鳴き声と　優しく音を立てて流れる

Sometimes birds songs and softly streaming

川のせせらぎを聞きながら　いつの間にか自分もその中に

Hearing them with the sound of the birds,

溶け込んでしまったような　そんな優しさに抱かれた思い出が

I melt into it before I was aware, the memory of wrapping with men’s kind hearts

私の中に　突き上げてきて　

In my mind they pressure my mind

そして今の福島の現状　心配事を

And now the present situations, the uneasily things in Fukushima

娘の顔を見ながら考えていたら　

While I was looking at my daughter’s face

いつの間にか涙が出てきてしまいました。

Tears ran from my eyes , I found myself

震災から九ヶ月の時が過ぎても心の痛みは　

Nine months have passed, but the agony

とどまる事を許してはくれていないのです

Didn’t give me some relief from the pain

津波は経験してはいませんが

Though, I have not experienced the Tsunami

これは皆さんも同じ事でしょうが　テレビに映る映像に　

The picture on television, you also,

どれだけ心抉られる思いをしたでしょう。

How much low out our heart!

見る度に涙が溢れ　亡くなった方達の冥福を

Whenever I saw them, tears came into my eyes

祈らずにはいられませんでした。

And may them soul rest in peace

家をなくしてしまった人達

The people who have lost their houses　

希望を絶たれてしまったことでしょう。

They lost their hope

私は仕事中でしたが　私もまた崖崩れを見てしまった事が

I looked the landside, I was in work half

後の私の心に　どれだけのショックを受けてしまっていたか

I was shocked and later my mind was injured

その時の私には　知るよしなどありませんでした。

I didn’t know at that time

崖崩れを見ながら動く事もできずに揺れが収まるのを　

Watching the slope slides intently, not only I couldn’t move

ただ　待つしかなかったあの時・・

I had to wait stopping the shaking

毎日　毎日　何度も何度も　

Every day, again and again

ゴーっと地下を走り　自分の足元に近づき

The rumble of the earth with the sound ”Gouh”

下から突き上げる音に怯え

I was frightened with the sound about the pressurized the underground

緊張が走る瞬間　体が硬直しとても疲れました、

For an instant I tensed my muscle, and tired

こんな思いを　昼夜関係なく続きましたね

These conditions have every day and night, didn’t they?

それと同時に　あの恐ろしい事故がありました

At the same time there was the dreadful accident

そう　原発事故です。

Yes The atomic power plant accident

あの時も会社にいましたが　

At that time I also was working in our company,

ニュースで爆発したという話に　私たちは釘付けになり

The news on the television that the plant exploded, we watched the TV

どうしよう逃げなきゃ　だとか

What shall I do ? Or

いや　ここまではこないだろう　だとか

No, no, the radioactivity may not come here

そんな中　一人の家族が

Meanwhile one of the families of us,　

逃げるよ母さんと息子さんが迎えに来たのです

“Let’s evacuate” mother and the son picked them up

私は　娘を迎えに行き

I picked my daughter up

姉妹の所茨城に一週間ほど避難しましたが

And went to Ibaraki who my sister was living,and we stayed for a week

やはり　我が家は一番居心地がよく

But my house is the best comfortable

そう長くは居られなかったのが現状でした

I didn’t live so long at sister’s house

それなのに　家を流された人達

And yet the people that their houses were washed away

原発の近くの人達

The people who were living near the atomic power plants

避難場所がどんなに辛いものか　

The living at refuge from the disaster, how hard

想像を絶するものであったと思います

The sight was beyond all imagination

冷たい体育館の床で　冷える体を横にし

They lay down with the cold body and frozen body

眠る事さえ　ママならない状態だった事でしょう

May be I was too hard to sleep

ここ石川にも　避難者達がきましたが

Refugees came to Ishikawa

足りないもの　

Shortages

なんでも足りない

Everything were shortage

そういう状態だった

They were in bad state

目の前にして

Looking at them

無力の自分に肩を落としました

I understood my powerlessness

そして　目に見えない放射能が

And the radiation that we cannot see　

私たちの心に　どれだけのストレスを与えたか

How press our mind

近所の人達でも　大丈夫だと言う人

The people who are living near here

もう駄目だと言う人

The people who say that we are in hopeless

あの時の私たちは　ただただ　

At that time we only

本当のことが知りたかっただけなんです。

Know the truth about the accident

何も分からないから　余計に心配が倍増してしまったのは

Nothing we could knew and our anxiety were increased

言うまでもないでしょう

Not to mention

福島の私たちは　ただ　ウロウロするばかりでした、

We , Fukushima people were confused

目に見えないものに　怯えていました

We feared the un visual something

私たちは　二　三ヶ月は　夢中に過ごしてましたが、

A few months have passed desperately

その後は　体に異変が起き始め誰もが　知らず知らずのうちに　

After that unusually human body began before we were aware of it

こころが病む人体調を崩し亡くなる人もでました。

The men or women who were sick and some were dead

この震災は　なんだったのか

What was this disaster?

この原発の事故は　なんだったのか

What was this disaster of the atomic power plant?

そんな思いをずっと　持ち続けていましたので

I have had these thought long time

この思いを　どうしても皆さんに伝えたい

I want to tell all of you these thoughts

そんな思いで書き綴りました。

I wrote these sentences

震災での想い　

The memory of the Great Earthquakes (Disaster)

未来へどう繋いで行くべきか

How to transfer to the future these memories?

考えなくてはいけない事なのだと思っています。

We have to think about these problems

それは誰もが思っていることなのかも知れません

Perhaps everyone think about them

だけど　事がなかなか進まないのが

Actually you know, the work is at a temporary standstill

現状です　

Now

少なくともこの福島に住む私たちは

At least, we living in Fukushima

そう思わずにはいられないのです

Feel too late

この本を読み　

While you read this book, feel next things

命の事

Feel about the life

地球の事

Feel about the Earth

いつもあって当たり前の

It’s quite natural that all over the world

空気の事

Feel about the air

これからどうすべきか

What shall we do next?

など色んなことを感じてもらえたら

And so on, feel about many things

こんなに嬉しい事はありません。

If you would do so, it will be great for me

私と同じ思いをしている人が沢山居るという事を

Please think about many people who fells as I do

そして　今も皆が心に傷を負ったまま

And emotional wounds take a long time to heal　

生きているのだと言う事を

That we are living

知ってもらいたいと思います

I want to appeal

原発により

At the Nuclear power plant

生活をしてきた人達

The people who get money for their lives

原発により　

Because of the Nuclear power plant

生きる事を困難とされてしまった

It is difficult to live

人達

The many people

そんな中で　生まれたのが

Born in the middle of the conditions

このボクと大地でした。

This “myself and the Earth”

新幹線の中で　思うがままに　人目を気にせず

In Shinnkannsenn, I wrote without other attentions all my want.

ただひたすらに書き綴ったのを覚えています

I devoted myself entirely, had written and written in the note.

皆さんの心と体に

In your heart and your body

いつの日か　虹が見えますようにお祈り致します。

I wish you that you can see the rainbow

最後まで読んで頂きありがとうございました

Thank you very much your attention to the last