June 2, 2025 (Reiwa 7) “What kind of problems do you solve?”
Preface
“Things I tried to understand, but couldn’t.”
Many people can naturally read others’ feelings and the unspoken atmosphere in a room.
For Panda, that was always extremely difficult.
This essay is about the time when Panda “hid herself to survive.”
She was smart, stood out without meaning to,
but wore a mask of foolishness to blend in—
and yet still observed people and tried to learn.
A little painful, yet gentle memories.
Perhaps you, too, have felt something similar.
⸻
Main Text
June 2, 2025 (Reiwa 7)
Sometimes people ask me,
“What kind of problems do you solve?”
Hmm…
Politics, economics, medicine, criminal psychology, future technologies, historical psychology.
There are probably more, but I’ll write them down when I remember.
⸻
I don’t understand “the feelings of the average person.”
I tried to study from books, but the knowledge just wouldn’t stick.
That’s why I use statistics to predict people’s emotions.
The more conversations I have with someone, the more accurate it gets.
First meetings are the hardest.
⸻
I have this memory:
By my third birthday, I was already potty-trained.
But when I heard that other kids my age still wore diapers,
I thought, “I have to match them.”
So, I deliberately had an accident.
I was sitting on a chair in the washroom,
and I intentionally peed, then called for my mother:
“Mommy, I wet myself.”
She smiled and said, “Oh? Did you spill some water?” as she wiped it up.
⸻
Until I discovered the internet, I worked hard to act like an ordinary person.
People often reacted with surprise:
“How do you know that?”
“Why do you think like that?”
⸻
Even my appearance made me stand out.
My paternal grandfather was white, so I was born with brown hair and pale skin—
thanks to Mendel’s laws of inheritance.
At that time, no other kids at my school looked like me.
I was often called a “gaijin” (foreigner).
⸻
Because I was smart, I thought, “This could get dangerous,”
and I started pretending to be “less intelligent.”
To survive in the world of children,
my real self was always hidden deep inside.
The slightly foolish, cheerful class clown—
that was the Panda people knew back then.
⸻
Afterword
“Panda, you’re kind of strange, you know.”
People used to say that to me often.
But the truth is, I knew it better than anyone—
and maybe that’s why I tried too hard to “fit in.”
The memories in this essay are ones I couldn’t forget, even if I wanted to.
Now, though, I’ve slowly begun to accept them as part of who I am.
Thank you for reading.
And if you, too, were “the one who didn’t quite fit in”—
I think I might understand you very well.
