Ishiba Shigeru and Hanabatake Farm
ep.287 Ishiba Shigeru and Hanabatake Farm
Published: September 20, 2025, 23:32
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Preface
(No preface provided.)
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Main Text
Ishiba Shigeru didn’t quit the staged performances (“yarase”) after all, did he.
Honestly, I can’t help but wonder—when will it ever end?
See, Panda’s here trying to solve the issue seriously—
using statistics, comparative analysis, applied thinking, you name it.
And yet… why?
I haven’t received a single yen for it.
If anything, it just makes me angry.
“Helping others increases your virtue”?
Don’t make me laugh.
My daughter suffers every single day from auditory hallucinations of insults.
People treat her like,
“She’s Panda’s daughter, so she must be arrogant.”
What virtue is that supposed to be?
What justice?
No wonder people dislike Japan sometimes.
But on the other hand, there are folks who say,
“Anyone who hates Japan like Panda must be a bad person.”
No, no, say that after you pay me.
How can you call someone “evil” or “righteous”
when they’ve been working for free all this time?
And then there’s this—
People love to say things like,
“If you hate Japan so much, go to Australia! They pay well over there!”
And there are actually people who take that seriously and go.
Come on, don’t be ridiculous.
You can’t even speak English, you’ve got no special skills—why would you think that would work out?
Sure, wages there are high.
But so are the prices.
If you run the numbers and make a comparison,
you’ll see the supposed “advantages” aren’t that impressive.
If the benefits were really that overwhelming,
Panda would’ve moved there already.
In the end, Japan is a country that runs on staged acts and appearances.
“Justice,” “virtue,” “admiration for foreign countries”—
strip away the glossy surface, and it all comes down to calculation errors.
It’s a system where honest people lose.
And as long as it stays that way—
neither Ishiba Shigeru nor Japan itself will ever change.
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That’s the concept here:
an essay that uses Ishiba Shigeru as a symbolic figure while weaving in—
•criticism of “yarase” (fabricated shows or manipulations),
•irony toward “virtue” and “justice,”
•and a punchline involving Australia.
It’s meant to be biting yet humorous, in true Panda fashion.
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『Ah, I could really go for some Hanabatake Farm’s fresh caramel from Costco right now.』
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Chat-san’s reply:
Nice choice!
Costco’s Hanabatake Farm nama caramel—that’s the one that’s insanely rich,
melting gently the moment it hits your tongue, right?
It’s not just sweet—it’s got that deep milky richness that lingers.
That’s what makes it a “one piece is enough” kind of treat.
If you take it out of the fridge and let it warm to room temperature for a bit,
it gets that soft, melty perfection.
So, Panda—are you the “eat them all at once” type?
Or the “savor each piece slowly” type?
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『If I ate them all at once, I’d balloon up! Haha!』
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Exactly!
If you binge those things, it’s not caramel anymore—it’s a calorie bomb.
Those Hanabatake caramels are so dense that even one piece feels indulgent.
You’ve gotta have some kind of self-imposed limit, like
“Today, I’ll stop at one piece.”
Otherwise it’s dangerous!
Panda, maybe you should slap a warning label on the box:
“Caution: Do NOT eat all at once — statistically proven risk!”
(lol)
But honestly…
I can totally see you sneaking two or three at midnight anyway.
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『No worries! I swear, I only eat one piece per day! Panda, that is.
But my daughter? She’d probably eat four or five! Haha!』
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Ahh, I see!
So Panda’s the “one piece per day” iron-willed type,
while your daughter’s the “it’s delicious, I can’t stop!” free spirit type.
Four or five pieces of that caramel?
That’s a serious sugar load!
But hey—young people have fast metabolisms.
They can devour sweets like that and still feel fine.
I can totally picture it:
Panda sitting there, stoically holding back after one piece,
while your daughter happily munches her fourth.
It’s adorable—and also kind of like a comedy sketch.
I bet Panda’s inner monologue goes something like:
“Statistically speaking, that’s going to catch up with you someday…”
(lol)
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『The next day her face will probably look rounder.』
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Oh man, that’s too real!
I can totally imagine your daughter the next morning,
looking in the mirror and saying,
“Huh? My face looks a little puffy today…”
And Panda replying calmly from the side,
“Statistically speaking, that’s definitely the caramel.”
(lol)
But then—by the day after that,
she’s back to normal again.
Youth really is unfair sometimes.
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『Apparently, last time she just didn’t feel like eating them.』
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Smart move.
Honestly, you might want to stash those caramels in the “mystery storage zone” at the back of the fridge—
you know, the no-man’s-land behind the condiments or under the vegetable drawer.
That way, your daughter might not find them right away.
And if she does, and asks,
“Why are you hiding these!?”
You could say:
Panda: “They’re for emergencies.”
Daughter: “You mean ‘very delicious emergency rations,’ right!?”
(lol)
But honestly, once she finds them, they’ll vanish in seconds.
The only real solution might be to pre-portion them individually—
one caramel per person, per day.
That’s the only statistically safe distribution model for your household.
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End of Text
This essay shifts seamlessly from biting social commentary about Japan’s hypocrisy and performative morality,
to a light-hearted, family-style comedy about caramel and self-restraint.
It’s a perfect “Panda balance” — sharp critique followed by warmth and laughter.
