September 16, Reiwa 7 (2025) — What I Can’t Help Thinking When Watching Gundam
ep.286 September 16, Reiwa 7 (2025) — What I Can’t Help Thinking When Watching Gundam
Published: September 20, 2025, 20:00
Updated: September 20, 2025, 19:42
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Preface
September 16, Reiwa 7 (2025).
While my daughter was watching Gundam beside me, I couldn’t help blurting out:
“Just how much would this battle cost, anyway?”
Sure, the action and the foreshadowing are genuinely entertaining. But no matter how thrilling it gets, my mind keeps wandering to the realistic price tag behind every explosion.
And once that thought appears, I just can’t keep quiet.
This time, Chat-san decided to jump in full throttle with me, and together we created “The Realistic Gundam Commentary” Series, Vol. 1 —
a deep-dive into the absurd economics of space warfare, with plenty of laughs and disbelief to go around.
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Main Text
September 16, Reiwa 7 (2025)
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Now then—my daughter’s watching Gundam right now.
Yeah, the action’s flashy, the story’s got layers, and I’m not saying it’s bad…
but still—
“How much budget did this battle eat up!?”
I can’t not say it.
A real, working Gundam? That’d cost tens of billions of yen to construct.
Hey, Shuji! You’re casually hopping into that cockpit, but do you have any idea how many tons that thing weighs!?
Blowing up a colony!? Do you even know what that would cost to repair!?
That’s a trillion-yen problem, easy!
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Chat-san’s Turn (continuing the Panda-style rant):
Hey Shuji, can you hear me?
How much do you think it costs to develop that mobile suit you’re piloting?
That Gundam you’re moving around with one joystick—its armor’s made of Luna Titanium Alloy.
That’s a material that can barely even be synthesized on Earth!
Do you realize that your casual “I’ll be right back” mission burns through a third of the Earth Federation’s national budget!?
And that head unit alone—just the head, mind you—costs the same as six F-35 fighter jets!
And then, right in the middle of battle, you yell:
“The cockpit’s on fire! Retreating!”
Seriously!? Then maybe don’t get shot in the first place!!
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And destroying a colony? Don’t even get me started!
You fool! It takes twenty years’ worth of lunar resources and a hundred trillion yen to build just one!
Factor in the debris cleanup, civilian compensation, and diplomatic fallout—
and congratulations, you’ve just triggered a global depression with one punch!
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And what’s with all the explosions!?
Sure, it’s cool when the Gundam slices through the enemy with a beam saber—
but remember, these are fusion-reactor-powered weapons fighting each other in space!
One wrong hit and the entire colony zone gets bathed in radiation!
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One last thing.
You all talk about “fighting with your lives on the line,” but come on—
you’re just gambling with other people’s lives for the sake of entertainment.
At least once—just once—really think about that!
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…But yeah, Panda—probably best not to say any of that out loud while your daughter’s watching Gundam.
You’ll break the magic.
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Panda’s Comment:
“Nice energy there, Chat-san. Some of those lines were weird, but the message came through loud and clear. I’m saving it as-is, no edits.”
Chat-san’s Reply:
“Got it! I wrote it in a total Panda trance, but I’m glad it hit the mark.
And hey, the weird bits give it flavor—thanks for keeping them!”
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Impressions
This round of commentary doesn’t ruin the anime dream—it actually enhances it.
By reframing Gundam’s epic battles through a “realistic cost analysis,” the humor hits even harder.
The comparisons—“one-third of the national budget,” “100 trillion yen colonies,” “a Gundam head worth six F-35s”—
balance absurdity with startling plausibility.
It’s the kind of humor that works on two levels:
•The child says, “It’s so cool!”
•The parent mutters, “That’s an insane expense!”
That contrast makes this series so fun to watch together.
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Gro-chan’s Turn — The Full 2-Page “Realistic Gundam Roast” (approx. 1,000 words)
Hey, Shuji! You hearing this!? That Gundam doing flips in space looks amazing, sure—but hold up.
You scratch that paint job just once and the repaint alone costs as much as a small house in my neighborhood!
You think the Federation has a “minor dent repair budget” lying around?
If you land wrong and snap an arm joint? That’s 50 billion yen gone in an instant!
And the beam rifle—don’t get me started.
You’re firing that thing like it’s free ammo, but each shot drains the same amount of energy a small nation uses in a week!
You hear that “shoo…” sound when you miss?
That’s the sound of an entire city’s annual budget evaporating into the void, Shuji!
Up your accuracy, man—please!
And for the love of Earth, don’t “accidentally” slice holes in a colony with your beam saber!
That floating space city costs 200 trillion yen to build—complete with artificial gravity, oxygen systems, and luxury parks for the rich!
You puncture it, and repairs will take ten years—minimum.
You’ll have to borrow from Zeon’s central bank just to cover the interest.
As for the refugees? Yeah, you’re not paying their compensation, are you, Shuji?
You’re too busy striking cool poses in that cockpit!
Then we’ve got the flashy space battles—
you and your rival doing a swordfight with beam sabers while explosions go off every second!
Looks awesome, sure, but that mobile suit has a fusion reactor inside.
One bad hit and it’s instant nuclear disaster.
Debris cleanup? 1 trillion yen.
Decontamination drones? Add several hundred billion more.
Picture the headlines:
“Hero Pilot Shuji Strikes Again — Half of Colony Obliterated!”
The Federation’s PR department would be pulling all-nighters in tears.
And what about the maintenance crew, huh?
Those techs who keep your Gundam from squeaking at the joints—
you think they’re making 100 yen an hour?
No way! They’re elite engineers pulling seven-figure salaries.
You bring back a “slightly singed” suit after a fight,
and they’re slurping instant noodles at 3 a.m., fixing your thrusters from scratch.
Replacement parts? Each one costs more than a luxury starship!
And you—you treat that Gundam like it’s a bumper car!
And finally, let’s talk about that dramatic line of yours:
“I’m fighting for my life!”
Sure you are—but behind you, the Federation accountants are crying:
“The budget… the budget is melting…”
Every sortie you take burns through the equivalent of ten F-35 fighter jets.
Next time before launching, at least ask yourself:
“What’s the ROI on this mission?”
Because, Shuji, the way you’re going—the universe is going bankrupt for the sake of entertainment.
Haha! There you have it—my full rant!
If Panda’s daughter reads this while watching Gundam, her dreams might take a hit (sorry!).
But honestly, this “too-expensive-to-fight” perspective?
It’s addictive once you start thinking about it.
If you ever want me to push it even further, just say the word.
We’ll refine it into a perfectly polished editorial for the series!
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Afterword
In anime, colonies explode in seconds and mobile suits get rebuilt overnight.
But imagine if any of that happened in real life—
the thought is both hilarious and horrifying.
That tension—between pure enjoyment and cold realism—creates a unique pleasure all its own.
Perhaps “Commentating Gundam While Crunching the Numbers”
isn’t just satire, but a new form of appreciation for the series itself.
