On Essay: Why I Deleted My Previous Essays?
I have two essays: the original one titled 'Essays Written by a GenZ from Overseas', not the exact line but you get the idea. Some of the articles posted there are either reflective or personal. When I marked it as complete, I had the shining shimmering 1 bookmark, because things like this are rare which I thought was cool. But months of inactivity, I realized that what I wrote there can be quite dated. And... probably info dumping. You know, potential clues to reveal who I am sort of paranoia. Well, I'm sorry. It's for safety precautions.
Though, I have the remaining three articles posted on "note", while the other is on my word processor. I think I'll re-upload it later or some time when I managed to fix it.
My second essay is an outlet titled, 'Essays/Rants/Vents/Complaints', posted from October to November. This essay is heavily loaded with strong emotions which mostly are frustration and rage. It didn't back down to speaking strong language because that essay was written real time when I experienced for the first time getting permanently banned on a forum that I wanted to belong.
That second essay is also filled with other articles with a lot of rambling. That's the only time I became active here in Narō again. It's funny to think that I keep convincing myself that I don't care how my essay will come out when I took so much pain to translate it to Japanese. The reason it was translated is because I thought that if I posted it in English, the site will take it down. It took many more months for me to create a trial and error experience of using Narō as a publishing site.
It is also because Narō is the first publishing site where I had an audience with compared to Wattpad, it kept me coming back. But compared to Wattpad, Narō is an isekai dominated publishing site, much like Wattpad is centered on Young Adult and Romance.
Overtime, I was able to navigate on how I should position myself in the midst of the Narō landscape. I have developed my own identity in a place where I, myself, is a foreigner.
I cannot force myself to go along with the isekai genre since I have no idea about isekai and I will not do so in the near future. I'm sorry, but I just really grew up in old school and the literary side of reading.
However, what I was able to appreciate in Narō is how my article is clean to read. There's no distractions, no advertisements annoying me to every scroll like Wattpad, and Narō has the organization that I can also use as a storage for my digital drafts.
I like how I'm able to access my writing immediately, I like how everytime I write something, I always kept in mind the readership and the audience.
Well, yeah... this site is popular for isekai and fantasy... but it doesn't mean it should be limited to that category alone.
I've seen a lot of works here in Narō that are far from Isekai and fantasy alone, and that's where I think I would place myself.
To have the access to different reading options that are diverse and wide ranging for exploration to any curious readers who are looking for something.
That's how I managed to find my spot here.
Now, why did I delete my second essay?
It's because my frustration and rage have finally come to pass. I was able to process my anger about my permanent banning and eventually moved on. When I moved on, I often read my second essay and my strong language comes across as pathetic.
It does not however dismiss what it tries to convey. But maybe now that I've cooled down, I believe there's a more healthier and productive way to argue a certain issue without me throwing many unnecessary insult to many things that involved my anger.
I also came across views that I find uncomfortable. Those sort of sentiments that does not welcome foreigner, and out of immediate reaction, I deleted all works that I've published here on Narō thinking that I'm maybe a nuisance here.
But that's false.
One article that posted nonsense and denial about social issues does not represent the almost 3 million users here on Narō. And I'm not here because of these type of users who perpetuate excluding outsiders just because they fail to broaden their views or that their education is so limited they sometimes spout illogical and baseless outlook.
I do not cater to them nor would I ever will. Or why should I have allowed myself be affected by them in the first place? I've allowed them to get into my mind? Unknowingly, I gave them the power to marginalize me.
I don't. Because I believe in that one user who bookmarked my essay one time before I deleted it.
I'm only sorry for this user because I let my weakness rule the moment I deleted what this user bookmarked. My deepest apologies.
There are many things to learn from each other. Whether I'm different, I'm an outsider, I'm a foreigner, I'm a Filipino, that I belong to a country who have brown skin as their natural color, being so used to international forum like Reddit, I learned that our interests or those things we like to talk about are truly what gathers us together in one place.
It's not prejudice or narrow minded views who teaches you to be afraid of people when you did not even make the effort to engage in a genuine conversation in the first place. If there's one thing these views promote, it's isolation, alienation and not respect. Soon, they will rot in their own small circle because they fail to be open to something that is different from them.
Does this sound familiar? Oh, it's declining birth rate where national policy is forced to welcome foreign workers that society is compelled to live in harmony with, along with people that is different from them.
But instead of learning from foreign background, the outlook of these people would rather teach their children to avoid these foreigners as if they carry some disease.
I don't know what to say except I am disappointed of these people.
I've said enough, I will no longer address these sort of people that really does not bring value to me, even if indirectly speaking.
What does this essay contains then?
This essay is now a progress from the first and second essays, it also took inspiration from Substack, and into the many discussions I'm engaged with on Reddit.
You see, Substack is my recent discovery. And for me, it's another treasure chest that's a wealth of information. In this wealth of information, I was able to access them for free.
It reminds me of Project Gutenberg and those piracy websites that uploaded novels or books that I want to read when they are available for free, that's why when I grew up, my thirst for knowledge is constantly quenched by the things I find on the internet.
In this phase growing up, I absorbed everything about many topics that I've searched, and in this essay is where I think is a good time for me to process what I've learned from the readings I've undergone.
In this work, I try to practice writing for information or for persuasion where the lessons of organizing ideas for effective writing is exercised. Since it's still my own views, my own authorship, I'm still open to error.
But I think I like this better now. This is more productive now than me screaming profanity all the time. Although, I still have a diary that's still filled with coarse language. It just doesn't have to be in my essays anymore.
I segregated the things I want to reflect upon like this essay, and a personal diary that is still filled with frustration and anger suitable for an outlet.
And so, to summarize this essay, I conclude that the succeeding articles moving forward will be a lot of meditation rather than complaints like before.
